From Wi-Fi at McDonalds to G.I. Joe action figures with more than 11 points of articulation, 2010 has a lot of things that the '80s sorely lacked. One thing that decade did better, though, was the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. It's been a few years since I've woken up before noon to catch it, but if YouTube is to be believed the Masters of the Universe Float from '84 and the Marvel Floats from '87 and '89 alone are proof alone that the parade's floats just ain't what they used to be. See Skeletor whack Orko in the face with his Havoc Staff and the Silver Surfer hold on for dear life after the jump.

1985: Masters of the Universe


This float tells the story of Eternia, a place where annoying imps are smacked down by evil dudes with staffs in dark swirls of fog. Of course, it's also a place where those evil dudes with staffs get battered by bigger dudes and powerful ladies with swords. This circle of life is seemingly propelled forward by nothing more than intense shouting. How is this float not a theme park and/or destination resort by now?

1987: Marvel Comics Super City


Every City tells a story, and Super City is no exception. What that story is? It's hard to say. I guess Dr. Strange summons Captain America from a gargantuan comic book and sends him to save Wolverine from a dancing lady before electrocuting Dr. Doom and overpowering the Hulk. I can't be the only one hoping Chris Evans watched this footage to prepare for his upcoming Captain America: The First Avenger movie role.

1989: Marvel Comics Spider-Man Float and Super City


Ah, yes. The Super City has returned for another year of towering glory. Everyone from '87 seems to be present and accounted for and - hey! It's the Silver Surfer, former herald of Galactus and all around surfboarding guy. But where's his board and why is he gripping the top of that skyscraper with tears in his eyes?

1989: Marvel Comics Super City "Holding Out For a Hero"


One network's straightforward coverage is another network's disco dance party! If you're not completely confounded by the commentator's likely frost-inspired slurred speech and odd tendency to namedrop Wonder Woman when referring to Marvel Comics, then you are in for a dadburn treat! I'm not sure what superhero Melba Moore is supposed to represent as she's belting Bonnie Tyler's Footloose jam "Holding Out For a Hero." But honestly? She sounds so much better than Tyler (Ms. Scratchy McSratcherson) and Hulk is grinning like a fool to her warm voice in an otherwise icy landscape, so who cares? Let's just call her Melbawesome Moorewoman.