With this week's release of the first "Twilight" graphic novel and the truly hilarious trailer for "Eclipse," it's become increasingly apparent that this whole "Twilight" thing is planning on sticking around for the foreseeable future. And when ComicsAlliance Senior Writer Chris Sims actually read "Twilight" and liveblogged the experience, it became equally apparent that there was no way he was getting through this book sober.

Let's face facts here, folks: "Twilight" is not very good, but at this point, if you want to keep your fingers on the pulse of the pop culture community, familiarity with it is almost a requirement. That's why we've taken it upon ourselves to combine the first installment of the Twilight saga with the one thing that might almost get it to make sense: heavy drinking! Just pour a glass of your favorite adult beverage and read along, but be warned: If you actually do this, you will probably die, and you will definitely remember less about the book when it's over than when you started.



Take a drink whenever...

• Edward is described as one of the following: Pale, pallid, white, alabaster, ivory, faint, literally sparkling, like a thousand diamonds, incandescent, smooth, statuesque, glittering, scintillating, lavender, perfect, satin smooth, cool as stone.
  

Take two drinks when...

• He is three or more of these things in the same paragraph.

Take three drinks when...

• The word "butterscotch" is involved.

Finish Your Glass ...

• when he's compared to Batman.

Once upon a time, Commissioner Gordon took the time out of his busy schedule to teach Gotham City employers how to fire somebody without turning the laid off workers into super-villains. Today comes a counterpoint from King Oblivion, PhD, on how society's greatest outcasts and misfits can get their hands dirty in the world of supervillainy.


M.D. Wilson is the author of "Hate You Forever: How to Channel Your Rage into Effective Supervillainy," a guidebook based upon the instructions of the aforementioned Oblivion, the co-founder of the International Society of Supervillains.

According to the book's description, "Hate You Forever" offers a "personal look inside the tricks of the evil trade, from defining your nefarious goals, acquiring your treacherous credentials and creating your evil persona to building your army of henchmen, selecting your equipment and base of operations and carrying out your dastardly master plans. So get those laughing lungs ready, recruit, and do some bad out there!"

The guide, featuring illustrations from Menachem Jerenberg, is currently available for both print and download purchases at Lulu Marketplace. I'm not sure why I'm advising any of you to buy this thing - I'm not really interested in seeing genuine super-villains in this day and age [Assistant Editor's Note: Josh is trying to maintain his cover clumsy Clark Kent style - he is totally a supervillain], but it's really not my place to judge!

"Kick-Ass" had a New York City showing this week at a special screening by UGO for journalists, bloggers, industry folk, and a select few fans. Writer Mark Millar and artist John Romita Jr. were on hand for the screening, and took questions from fans and host Jordan Hoffman afterwards. ComicsAlliance was there as well to bring you a recap of the Q&A with Millar and Romita.

Warning: Major spoilers ahead.

While most would agree that Spider-Man video games have improved by literal leaps and bounds in the past three decades, there's been some backlash against current rights holder Activision for resting on its laurels since the release of "Spider-Man 2" in 2004 and its more or less redeco "Ultimate Spider-Man" two years after. But according to Kotaku, an upcoming issue of GamePro Magazine may provide apathetic Spider-fans with a glimmer of hope in the form of the franchise's next installment, the mysteriously titled "Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions."

Aside from the title, there's not a ton to go on until Activision makes an official announcement about the game. What we do know, however, is that Canadian development team Radical Entertainment will helm the release. Given their experience building "Hulk: Ultimate Destruction" a few years back, it's comforting to know that folks with superhero knowhow are back in the Marvel U.

There's no word on a release date yet, but who knows? It might beat "Spider-Man 4" out of the gate at this point.

Yesterday Comic Book Movie debuted the very first set photos from the upcoming "Green Lantern" movie staring Ryan Reynolds. As a fan of Geoff Johns' current GL run, I metaphorically rushed to check each shot out. Problem is, aside from a semi-blurry shot of Reynolds in what appeared to be a green ring, the images just aren't that exciting. Don't get me wrong, I didn't expect to see Reynolds in costume in front of a green screen (or are they going to have to use blue screens for this one?), but straight shots of the cast and crew milling about just didn't yield a ton of clues about the film's plot.

So, in the spirit of spicing things up, I went ahead and employed my (very) crude Photoshop skills to help spread the excitement of the movie's 2011 release through outright photographic falsehoods.

Check out select shots in both their factual and incredibly fictitious forms after the jump to see which versions you prefer.

The first issue of the new Vertigo series "American Vampire" comes out today, from writer Scott Snyder and illustrator Rafael Albuquerque. Oh, and there's this other co-writer... I think his name is Stephen King?

We've seen comics from King before, and plenty of novelists attempting the jump to comics like Snyder, and of course, more than enough vampire franchises, but after reading the first issue we can say that the resulting comic here is something far more than the sum of those familiar parts, and beautiful besides, thanks to the spectacular art of Albuquerque. When the comic jumps time periods between the stories of Snyder and King, the visual style of the art makes a marked shift as well from the art deco influence of the mid-1920s to a more western aesthetic for a tale set in the 1880s, but still remains distinct and lovely. The series is set to explore other eras in future cycles, and we'll be keen to see how Albuquerque adapts his work to the next one.

The two stories in this issue, which are linked by the common thread of vampire Skinner Sweet, provide plenty of bang for your buck; we know all the complaints about $3.99 single issues, but if more of them felt like they had this much substance, there would probably be a lot less complaining. We've got preview pages after the jump if you'd like a closer look at the art, and there's a King interview at The Daily Beast (and a Snyder interview right here at CA) if you want more.

Every other Wednesday, writer Chris Sims and artist Rusty Shackles carry on the noble comic book tradition of the imaginary story by bringing you the Best Comics Ever that don't actually exist! This time, Chris and Rusty expand the fun of "Batman: The Brave and the Bold" by introducing a new group of characters to the kid-friendly DC universe!


And don't miss the special section on fishing safety, with Li'l TC and Jody!