We're only two short weeks away from Halloween, the holiday devoted in equal parts to the undead, candy, and dressing up in costumes. These three things are pretty amazing in their own right, but when they're combined, they make for one of the most fun times of the year. So fun, in fact, that many people think the the joy of Halloween should extend beyond human beings.
Thus, the thriving industry that is Pet Costumes!
Now, I'm all for having fun with your pet, but I think we can agree that dressing up your dog is at least a little
crazy. And nowhere is that craziness brought to light better than on Costume Craze
's surprisingly robust section of costumes made for dogs. Whether it's a cheerleader costume
fit for a Great Dane or a chihuahua-sized "bandito
," these things start out bizarre and just keep getting weirder.
Especially once the super-hero costumes show up.
As a testament to the character's enduring popularity, there are a few different versions of the Superman costume, and each is more perplexing than the last. You'd think if a pet owner wanted to dress a dog up as a member of the Superman family, they'd take the easy route and go for Krypto the Super-Dog
, which really only requires a cape.
You could make a case for the one on the left being a pretty close Krypto costume -- it's way more accurate than Sexy Spider-Girl
, after all -- but there's no getting around the fact that the one on the right is clearly meant to be a dog dressed as Superman. Specifically a Superman from some weird Red Kryptonite Silver Age issue where Superman becomes some sort of weird yet strangely adorable miniature centaur.
And now that I think of it, that's actually pretty awesome.
Batman is another costume with multiple versions that don't quite match up to their comic book counterpart: Ace the Bat-Hound
only wears a mask, which -- and I swear this is actually in the comics -- he wears to keep people from recognizing him as Bruce Wayne's dog. The "Justice League Unlimited" one seems like a natural fit, but I'm legitimately surprised that there's a version directly inspired by (and licensed as a tie-in to) "The Dark Knight."
The fact that this exists means that someone not only wanted to dress their dog up as Batman, but that they specifically
wanted to dress their dog up as the complex, grim, psychologically challenging version of Batman seen in Christopher Nolan's films. This isn't the dog costume pet owners need... it's the one pet owners deserve
Either way, I think I speak for everyone when I say that Kevin Conroy (the voice of Batman in "Batman: The Animated Series" and a metric ton of other projects), Diedrich Bader ("Batman: The Brave and the Bold") and Adam West ("Batman" '66) need to buy these costumes, put them on their dogs, wait in the bushes on Halloween night, and say "Robin! That evil witch Circe is at it again! Help me and I'll give you a fun-size Snickers!" whenever a child comes up to the door.
I've got to confess, this is one of the better-looking dog costumes, and the fact that "Zorro" translates as "fox" -- an animal related to the domestic dog -- means that it works on almost one and a half levels. Two and a half, if your dog happens to be a part of the landed gentry of Old California.
The only thing that really worries me is that as far as I can tell, the costume does not
include a sword, meaning that attempts to live up to the costume by marking territory with a signature "Z" could potentially undo years
of house training.
The first thing I noticed about this costume was that rather than Spider-Man's traditional bug-eyed mask, this costume features some kind of spider-bonnet
, and I am starting a letter-writing campaign to get that included in both the comics and the next movie right now
The second thing I noticed was this dog's face. I'd previously assumed that one of the biggest drawbacks of dressing up dogs was that the dogs themselves really couldn't care less about Halloween. This one, however made it abundantly clear that they do
That is not the face of a dog that is happy to be dressed as Spider-Man. That is the cold, calculating look of an animal plotting its revenge. It has deadened all regard it once felt for its so-called "best friend." There is no more friendship.
Still love the bonnet, though.
Wonder Woman gets yet another one of the Centaur-esque costumes, and while those will never not be weird, the main weirdness with this one comes from the fact that for super-heroes, it's almost the only lady-style costume for dogs. Sure, Wonder Woman's a pretty obvious choice, but is that really it
? Three different Batman costumes and all the other side gets is Wonder Woman? Two Iron Man movies and we don't get a Puppy Pepper Potts or a Black Labrador Widow?
Also, I've got to say that not including Wonder Woman's headline-making new costume is a total missed opportunity for DC's marketing department.
Then again, I think I can see why they wouldn't go for it. Rocking a jacket like that hasn't been cool since 1995, and for dogs, that's over a hundred years out of style.
"Indiana? We dressed THE DOG as Indiana!"
Okay, okay, so the world's greatest Nazi-punching archaeologist isn't exactly
a super-hero, but I'm keeping him on the list for two reason. For one, he's been in quite a few comics over the years, and for another oh my God that tiny little fedora is the most adorable thing I have ever seen in my life!!!!
Seriously you guys, I don't even like dogs and that is so cute I can barely stand it. I love it so much that I want Lucasfilm to go back and replace Harrison Ford in the movies with this dog for an all new set of special editions.
And yes. That is
the single greatest animated .gif on the entire Internet. You're welcome.
Well, at least it's not the Slave Bikini.
Okay, you guys need to sit down, because I am about to blow your friggin' minds
. This is a dog... dressed as another dog.
Halloween costumes for animals just got crazy meta-textual on your ass.
Admittedly, on Halloween, most people dress like, you know, other people, but there's something about adding an entire costume to a dog that just strikes me as the weirdest damn thing I've ever seen. Maybe it's the fact that this costume could basically be a collar and be done with it, or -- and this is the more likely culprit -- the "mask" sits on top of the head, making it look like Scooby has the head of a completely different dog emerging from his neck. Essentially, it's a canine Kuato.
Shouldn't have taken that dare to investigate Three Mile Island, Scoob. Not even for the whole damn box
of Scooby Snacks.
"Wanna know how I got these scars? My master was... a lazy man. He'd sit at home every day, watching television. And he loved game shows
He especially loved 'The Price is Right.' I'd see him watching it every day, every day
shouting about Plinko and the Showcase Showdown. And then one day... one day
he hears Bob Barker telling his audience to spay and neuter their pets. And he turns. And he looks. At me
. 'Let's go to the vet,' he says.
'And put a smile
on that face.'"
Like a lot of people my age, I have some fond memories of the Power Rangers, but as the series lasted around 15 seasons longer than my interest, I can't verify whether this is an accurate depiction of the characters on the show. If anything, a "Power Ranger" costume should involve a motorcycle helmet and riding around in a gigantic metal dinosaur, which would make it the most awesome costume ever.
But none of that matters, because while they were going for Power Ranger, they totally ended up with DOG LUCHADOR.
I've completely changed my mind about these things, because that is amazing
. Everyone who owns a dog should get this. And not even for Halloween, I want all dogs wearing these all the time
. Viva El Perro Rojo