Summertime has arrived, and that means people all over are getting their swimsuits out so that they can hit the beach -- or at least the nearest lawn sprinkler -- so what better time for ComicsAlliance to take another look at the truly bizarre world of the comic book swimsuit special?
We've been down this road a few times
with Marvel's mid-90s Swimsuit Issues, but this time, we're going even weirder with the 1991 "Amazing Heroes" Swimsuit Issue
, which was essentially the twenty-years-ago version of DeviantArt for comics pros. So grab your sunblock and make sure you wait a half hour after eating as we delve into another round of The ComicsAlliance Swimsuit Special!
The Punisher, by Scott Rolfs
Combining two of ComicsAlliance's favorite things, this is a swimsuit picture of a gender-swapped
version of the Punisher. Because if Frank Castle was a woman, he would undoubtedly be Kristy Swanson circa "Mannequin 2: On the Move."
Superman by R.G. Taylor
Superman, who was apparently rocketed to Earth by his parents Kyle McLachlan and David Bowie, poses here at the perfectly horizontal beach, no doubt contemplating the same thing I am: Did he go buy a swimsuit with his logo on it (and if so, where
?) or did he just put on the red trunks without the rest of the suit underneath and call it a day?
Herbie Popnecker by Howard Bender
Alan Moore's favorite character (who is also described by his own father as "a little fat nothing") might strike some readers as a surprising choice for inclusion in a swimsuit special, but this is actually pretty faithful to the original comics, which saw Herbie romancing everyone from Jackie Kennedy to Elizabeth Taylor to Robin Hood's main squeeze Marian. Of course, he tended to do that fully clothed, but from the image above, it's probably safe to say that clothing was a mere hindrance to his animal magnetism.
RoboCop by Tom McWeeny
It's a shame this swimsuit special didn't take place in the '50s, otherwise the Future of Law Enforcement And Also Lifeguarding could be on his way to the RoboCop Tank Top Sock Hop.
Usagi Yojimbo, by Stan Sakai
I don't really have a joke for this one, it's just awesome to see "Usagi" creator Stan Sakai riffing on the famous "Stormy Sea Off Kanagawa," setting it up to ruin the poor rabbit ronin's vacation.
MODOK, the Gremlin and the Leader by Sam Agro and Ty Templeton
So many amazing things in this picture (which is actually great and would've been a standout in any of the Marvel Swimsuit Specials), but all I can think of is where did MODOK get that hat? I mean, can you imagine how stoked he was when after all these years, he finally found an XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL haberdashery?
And yet, he didn't bother to tell his similarly large-headed homeboys, keeping it all to himself. And really, isn't that the most villainous act of all?
Death by Ron Boyd and Stuart Immonen
This being 1991, Vertigo's version of Death from "Sandman" was a popular entrant, but this one is the best by far, depicting a hapless member of the Endless and the hazards of hitting the beach when you're... well, you know.
The Terminator by Vincent Giarrano
Terminator on a waverunner.
TERMINATOR ON A WAVERUNNER.
TERMINATOR ON A WAVERUNNER.
That is the best thing I have seen all week.
The Cast of Star Trek: The Next Generation by Steven Bove
There is so much amazing stuff going on in this panel that I don't even know where to begin, but somewhere between trying to figure out if the best part was Wil Wheaton's communicator medallion or the fact that Worf looks like he's just totally naked, I was hypnotized by Commander Riker's banana hammock and Bettie Page half-shirt.
I'm not sure if that thing violates the Prime Directive, but it should. It really, really should.