Rejected First Drafts of Kevin Smith's 'Batman' Script

As somebody who is at least as fat as Kevin Smith at his largest (probably fatter) I can definitely say I thought all of these gags were hilarious. Also, I agree with Aaron Poehler that "He knows he needs to lose weight or he will die", but would add that even if he lost weight he would of course still die.

Oh gee let's not take any cheap shots at Kevin Smith writing the worst Batman miniseries ever just to wedge his shitty wannabe friend onto 'art' duties.

Also Kevin Smith is hugely fat and comments upon it often, it's not some big secret everyone's hiding from him. He knows he needs to lose weight or he will die.

I agree that Kevin Smith has a style that works much better on some categories than others, and I don't think he can pull off something like Batman, that is supposed to be grim and serious for the most part. Yes, it's still a grown man dressing up like a bat, but as superhero comics go, he's still among the least funny characters.

And I don't know what the rest of you are talking about. Chris Sims is pure muscle under that sweater. He's like the Kingpin of comics reviewers. And that just makes him more qualified to comment on the growing girth of other writers. If a skinny guy calls Kevin Smith fat, then it's offensive.

These jokes were funny!...

...the first time I heard them...

...years ago...

What he (squeamish) said.




I thought the trenchcoat thing is as relevant as anything you could say given that Smith basically crowbars 'writer' into batman. Batman is good at writing fake documentation and falsifying records. He does not have time to be a writer.

That isn't my Batman.

My Batman wouldn't take no shit from some English Major coed who thinks things will be better if you just believe enough in it.

My Batman would kidnap her, drive her around Gotham, show her the suffering of the world Christmas Carol style, before having to save her from the Joker who has escaped from Arkham AGAIN.

He'd end the night with a gruff one-liner about the true nature of humanity, and how keeping positive isn't the same thing about doing the right thing, before driving off into the night to beat down a couple of crack addicts who hadn't gotten the message that Gotham City isn't a good place to practice your rape skills.

And Alfred would be waiting all night, reading P.G. Wodehouse.

So only thin guys can make fat guy jokes?

...you guys hate fun.

People complaining about the mocking of Kevin Smith's gut need to re-read the panel. It's mocking Smith's attempts to hide his size, not his size itself. It's Smith who's ashamed of his circumference.

I'm no fan of Kevin Smith's comic work (with the possible exception of some of his Green Arrow stuff) and am one of the many that regards "Cacophony" as one of the worst Batman stories ever written, however I've always found his films to be fairly entertaining on an amusing, mentally undemanding level.

Cheap dick, drugs and gay jokes as a focus aren't going to appeal to everyone of course, but in a world where Epic Movie can be a globally popular comedy film, fare like Zack and Miri make a Porno is like the Citizen Kane of laughs by comparison.

Oh, and I also think poking fun at the guy's weight is a bit rich considering some of the pictures of yourself we've seen on IBS Chris.

All in all, not one of your better articles I have tp say.