"Twilight" scribe Stephenie Meyer will soon be getting her own bio comic in the "Female Force" series, titled "Twilight Unbound: The Stephenie Meyer Story
," which so far has only been notable for the fact that the artist decided to pull a "Fitness" magazine
and lop off like a third of her body
because of the strict "no fatties" (and "no slightly chubbies") code in comics illustration.
But Bluewater Productions has now taken the comic to the next level now, by making it into a MOTION comic
, which means that basically they pan and scan across the page while some spooky organ music plays in the background, and when a wolf howls they animate its head slightly upwards. Behold the magic of a bold new medium!
So, the wolves are howling and everything is Halloween-tastic as we pan in on this haunted house where a cut-rate vampire in a cape sits down to read the Big Book of Stephenie Meyer. Since the PR copy informs us that the motion comic is narrated by "the most famous vampire
of them all," I guess this is Dracula? And the best part is that the voiceover guy they get for him spends the whole time muttering creepily like it's a promo for "Saw" or something, except that then he starts narrating the largely boring life of a young Mormon girl while a big grey outline of Connecticut rotates around the screen.
"The year is 1973, and STEPHENIE was born in HARTFORD, CONNECTICUT, to STEVEN and CAAANDY Morgan. Her time in Connecticut was SHORT-LIVED... You see, her family moved to Phoenix, Arizona by the time she was FOUR."
Chilling! Then we learn how she felt so different and alone because unlike all the other girls in school, she didn't have a car until she was 20, boo-hoo. Fortunately, "by being different, her rewards were forthcoming," which is a terribly constructed sentence, and I think is referring to her National Merit Scholarship and the ability to make the state of Utah would appear on her palm of her hand.
She eventually moves to Utah, which is I guess when you do when crazy state-specific stigmata starts appearing on your body, where Dracula ominously informs us that she "majored in ENGLISSSH... with an emphasis on LITERATURE."
kind of terrifying, if you think about it, because this is definitely leading up to her writing one of the worst bestselling books ever, so you definitely get a little bit of that "no, no, don't go down to the basement" feeling when you hear it. The preview cuts off there and segues to the credits, and I'm actually sorry because this is way more entertaining than I'd expected. What happens next? Will she MARRY... some guy? And write... a SSSTORY?
You'll have to download the motion comic on the smartphone store of your choice to find out!