Comics Alliance: An AOL Comic Book Community

Welcome to this week's Explosion. The End of the Week Explosion is like a regular blog about weekly events, but in career co-op mode. Or maybe it's like a boss battle with Seacord, but instead of guitars, you huff glue. And the only songs you can play are "Nightman" or "Rock, Flag and Eagle". Who would want to play anything else anyway? Unless you live in give up America.

Q: Dude, ROCK BAND is this Tuesday. It's like someone is replacing the crack that is Guitar Hero with something much stronger. Is ROCK BAND the Nuke of the video game world?

What's up bro? Yes, absolutely. I played the demo drum set in Arizona and it was pretty badass. I'm not so stoked for the drums as I am the fact that I can finally express myself musically on Xbox Live. I've given up on an actual social life so this is my way of sharing the gift that is my voice, truly angelic as it is, with the world. What most people don't know about me is that aside from aspiring to be a drain on society, sleeping till 3 pm, and owning a trained monkey to do my bidding, I would like to win American Idol. It seems like that is completely doable and would fit in my schedule because no one hears from you if you win now anyways...oooh hooo. See what I did there? Huh? I basically said American Idol isn't that popular and their singers just disappear after they win. Zip. Zing. Bang! But seriously, I want to win and would totally Nancy Kerrigan someone to do it. Fox, call me.

Q: A pair of "Hannah Montana Live" tickets have been bought anonymously for $13,000. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?

What dude? No. Just no. I can't tell you what's wrong with that statement. First off, the words thirteen and thousand together. That's like more money than Todd Gates, you know the Microsoft guy, has. The thirteen I MIGHT be able to scrape together, and by scrape I mean grab out of the register at CVS and run out. Not that I advocate that sort of thing because those old ladies WILL hit you. With canes. AND it doesn't feel good, and nothing is more embarrassing then waking up in your own urine with an elderly woman standing over you calling you "bitch". The cops don't even arrest you. They just call their friends and stand, point, laugh. I died a little inside that day.

Welcome to the 'splosion! We've been gone a couple of weeks due to an "unfortunate incident" involving Seacord and a man we will call BRC. Seacord spent a week in county jail and a week in downtown lock-up. This week's explosion was also supposed to take place at a local Hardee's. Unfortunately, we hit a road bump involving the fact that I have no idea where there is a local Hardee's. So Seacord, how was jail?

What's up bro? Yeah so I had a "mini-vacation" consisting of three hots and a cot. People are so uptight, you know? I mean since when is it a law that you have to wear pants at the mall? I'm really trying to put the emphasis on comfort here. Pants are just so constricting. I'm just being me. Sure it's much more uncomfortable when your blood alcohol level is .28 but who's keeping track. I mean I didn't see the breathalyzer so I had to take their word for it. And with no pants on a man can get cold, right? So what if I took a nap under the heat lamps at Sbarro? Rules, bro, rules. At any rate, made some great friends and I look forward to my next stay at DC's correctional institute. I have to say it is in my top ten jails across the nation.

Q: Do you really think you can kill three 920 calorie Country Breakfast Burritos?

Absolutely. If some little 115 pound girl can crush like 30 some odd hotdogs in 5 minutes or whatever I can eat 3 of these heart attacks in a tortilla. Sure I may contract diabetes or a hardened artery or two but that's what modern medicine is for. I'm all about dares, like I bet you can't drink a fifth of Jack Daniels and walk around the mall without pants on. Check and mate my friend.

Q: Did you see the new Captain design? It's really shiny. Like, ridiculously shiny.

Didn't he just die? Now they are bringing him back armed? Guess a boomerang shield doesn't cut it anymore so let's load Cap up with a Desert Eagle. If he misses with the adamantium shield then BLAM, he's gonna go all Charles Bronson. Why not just make all the Avengers some form of full-blown weapon toting vigilantes? Give Hawkeye a sniper rifle, Black Widow an M-60...etc. Somehow, I see the Punisher getting an honorary membership here soon. If I were the Punisher I'd be a little pissed. It's like you guys have been chasing me for years and now you wanna know where I get my ammo? This is a great idea, really, pure marketing genius.

Q: The End of the Week Explosion didn't happen last week. HALO 3 made 170 million dollars in one day and the Explosion team was not immune to HALO fever. Seacord now has no corporeal form and exists only on Xbox Live. Due to these constraints, this week's Explosion consists entirely of transcribed wireless headset conversation. How's life inside the matrix, Seacord?

What's up bro? I think my retinas may have detached so if there are a ton of typos, well, now you know why. I can't say enough about HALO 3. I've all but given myself completely to my Xbox. My priorities have been completely restructured where HALO is now the most important thing in my life. If anyone out there doesn't feel the same way they just haven't played long enough. Such are the wonders of being single, unemployed and slowly developing arthritis in my hands. I no longer know how to interact with people in a social setting and can only converse with people through a headphone. It's has it's downside as my best friend in the real world is the McDonald's drive through guy.

Q: Nerdy TV shows are ruling the airwaves. HEROES, CHUCK, BIONIC WOMAN, MOONLIGHT and REAPER all premiered recently. Did you check anything out?

Like I've said before, I'm sold on Heroes and have TiVo'd Bionic Woman. I gotta admit I started watching Heroes more because 24 was awful last season. It's not starting off the best either. They are doing a great job of telegraphing some of the main story lines. I mean the one with Hiro is pretty obvious and who knows, maybe they'll throw a curve in there somewhere. Sometimes on this show I feel like they are too many story lines that they just conveniently wrap up. Last season I think Claire was brought a lot more in after her popularity skyrocketed. I don't really get what their doing with her now. Anyway as far as these other shows I'll probably only see them if my Xbox explodes. (which it might, no fan and 20+ hours of gameplay per day can't be good).

This week in the Explosion, Seacord tries to initiate a war with the Chinese over video games! Just keep in mind that Seacord's opinions in no way reflect the opinions of Comics Alliance. Or anyone else. Or even himself. I blame all those lead-paint covered Holly Hobby toys he ate a few weeks ago.

Q: So, it's mostly official! The dude that directed HAPPY FEET is directing the JUSTICE LEAGUE movie. You got your eye on a role?

What's up, bro? Happy Feet? Is that that Penguin surf movie? Jesus Christ. I don't know what's worse, the fact that someone sold a movie about surfing penguins or the fact that the same ass-clown that directed is going to reshape our childhood. Why can't Seth Green just take some Super Powers action figures and make a movie with them. I guarantee there will be no cute animals and at least one of the figures will be blown up with an M-80 (Blowing up figures with fireworks and playing with knives leads to teaching yourself to type with your feet....TRUST ME).

Q: I preordered a copy of HALO 3 for myself and one for you. I'm picking my copy up at midnight. What about you? Are we both going to die like that dude in China?

I can only hope. That is why American's are lazy and fat. We lack dedication. When was the last time you did anything for three hours without sleeping? Exactly. If we go to war with China why are they going to win? A: Because they will be trained in the use of weapons from hours upon hours of video gaming AND they are practically superhumans who are going to evolve to the point of not needing sleep. For that matter, what time did you wake up today? Ass-crack of noon? This man will rally a nation. We all better learn Chinese or hope that when the war starts all their hearts explode after three days...what? Too soon? Oh and remember Down III same day as HALO. They go together like beer and dry-heaving.

Welcome to what was almost the Beginning of the Week Explosion. Y'see, Seacord just got Xbox Live and football just started and that chick from High School Musical has naked pictures on the internet, so Seacord has been a little busy trying to figure out if he can somehow combine the three without violating his parole. Good luck, muchacho!

Q: Last week we talked about how everyone was flapping their gums about the IRON MAN trailer that wasn't even out yet. The thing is, it kicked my ass completely. I mean, come on. Sabbath?! Awesome.

What's up bro? I completely underestimated this movie. They couldn't have put a better trailer together if they tried. I am still putting my face back together as it oozed off from sheer kick-assness of it. The only thing better I saw this week was the season premiere of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Nothing says humor more than finding a babies in the dumpster, LSD and New Kids on the Block. If you have not seen this show, go to the store (don't wait for Netflix) and buy seasons 1 & 2. Amazing. I've watched both new episodes and haven't stopped laughing. I also realized the pilot light in my oven is out and there is a suicidal amount of Carbon Dioxide in my apartment but I only say it enhances my viewing.

Q: I just called an ambulance to your "apartment complex". Try not to stand directly in front of the stove. Good news is they said it will take 15 minutes, so we have some time for more questions! Soooo.....they're making a TRON 2?! I don't know why I'm trying to sound excited. I've never even seen TRON. Is my childhood incomplete? (I did just rent the MONSTER SQUAD.)

Welcome to the End of the Week Explosion. Seacord's been out of commission all week. He says he's "prepping" for football season, but that doesn't explain why I found a blueprint on his dining room table that had a picture of a cell phone and a camera on it. Or why he had written "flux capacitor?" on it. I think it might be radiation poisoning from his "homemade Everyman Project."

Q: Warner Brothers are making a ROBOTECH movie with Tobey Maguire?! That seems like crazy talk to me on many levels, but I imagine you're already sending them camera phone pictures of the "mech" you're building.

What's up bro? Camera phone pictures? Sure I'm high tech enough to build a super-mech robot but what am I, a millionaire? A phone that takes pictures? HAHAHA. What's wrong with you? Flying cars and transporters...you've been watching way too much Sci-Fi Network. Camera phone. What, did you get one going through your "Stargate" or did you get it some other mystical way? You're starting to freak me out. Maybe I'm starting to freak out. Who's Tobey Maguire? Who are you? I'll be back later...camera phone. Ass clown.

Q: The Colts smashed the Saints and thus, the NFL season begins. How's your "fail-safe" betting technique going? Hopefully it doesn't end up like your "fail-safe" knife fighting technique.

Ok, gambling...I feel safe again. Yes, I had the Colt's by six. I covered. So I'm good to go there. I'm so glad football season is back. I mean all other sports should be outlawed and football players should be allowed to take steroids and play year round. I'm interested in the Va. Tech – LSU game. LSU giving 12 points doesn't seem right after Tech barely beat ECU and LSU pummeled whatever school they played.

Q: I have no idea what you're talking about. Moving on to comic book news...

Yo. It's Labor Day weekend and I am recovering from a barbecue at which I drank too much and Seacord unlocked half the songs on my copy of GUITAR HERO ENCORE: ROCKS THE '80s! But more importantly, the weekend means it's time for the End of the Week Explosion, in which the Amazing Seacord answers the tough questions. And because I'm too scared to tell him in person...
Seacord, I think my GUITAR HERO axe is considering filing a restraining order.
On to the Explosion!

Q: I totally missed on my new releases post, but INCREDIBLE CHANGE-BOTS is, quite possibly, the greatest TRANSFORMERS parody of all time.

What's up dude? First off I want to say that the Go-Bots are the greatest parody of the Transformers of all time. I mean, Cykill? Turbo? With names like that how can you go wrong? Besides didn't the Transformers do a good enough parody of themselves with Beast Wars?...It just got colder in here...man that was awful. Now, if you want to talk in terms of quality, yeah, I'll give you Change-Bots is good. Regardless I don't care about any of this just that hot ass girl in the movie. I mean, c'mon, unreal. Seriously, school's about to go back in session and that means me in my brand new Mustang cruising the parking lots of the local high schools. How can it be illegal? Look at Dazed and Confused...oh and by Mustang I mean Schwinn but why split hairs? At least I have a yellow bike helmet....watch out ladies there's plenty of room on these handlebars.

It's the end of the week. That's when the explosion happens! This week we learn about the time Seacord defeated Gary Coleman in an MMA fight. Okay...that's not true....OR IS IT?!

Q: Well, it's time for a new Explosion, but something feels strange. Different, somehow. I have a sudden urge to drink Mountain Dew and watch Hannah Montana. Do you have any idea what's going on?

What's up bro? In the months we've been doing this it seems that I too have gotten the same urges from time to time. I wish I could pinpoint it, you know? For those of you who haven't watched Hannah Montana, do it. Just trust me. It's like getting in on the ground floor of a potential Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan...of course it could all go wrong and we'd end up with just another cutesy Amanda Bynes. Something does feel different though...sort of like Bewitched (the TV show, not the vomit inducing movie) when they switched Darrins and they hoped the audience wouldn't notice. Eh...I can't explain it, but I'm not that bright. I just figured out that milk expires. Though if you can stomach the chunks the hallucinations make up for the trip to the emergency room.

Q: WAR opens this week. If you put Jet Li and Jason Statham in the same movie, won't it melt the faces of the whole planet? Isn't that bad for business?

OK, I've seen this one already so get ready for some spoilers...it's basically non-stop fighting action until about the last 30 minutes when John Rambo comes into a warehouse, calls them both d-bags and snaps both their necks. Then and only then does the face melting begin. The theater I was in looked like the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark but it may have been the milk....

It's the end of the week explosion! For a weekly column that's part of a comic book themed blog, we sure don't talk about comics very often. This week we may not even talk about comics at all! This is only because Seacord knows so many interesting things about gambling, prison and fighting. At this time it is especially important that we remind everybody that the views here are those of Seacord and not of Comics Alliance. In fact, Seacord's views may not even be his own when you consider all of the voices in his head. Please remember this before contacting your lawyer.

Q: Finally! It's football season. The most important time of the year. I already lost $1,000 betting on pre-season games, which doesn't inspire a lot of confidence for my regular season action. As a convicted felon and addicted gambler, what can you tell comics fans out there looking to make some money gambling on football to support their habit?

This goes against all aspects of the twelve-step program I'm in but I'll give it a shot. First you wanna always tease the over down versus the points. It's just like a straight up bet but you get more working for you. Parlays all sorts, best way to make money. Two team, three team, oh man....after that I recommend NOT watching the games you bet on in public. People wonder why you're crying when you don't hit and then you eventually get pinched for trying to lift people's wallets or tips on the bar. People are so inconsiderate of the addicted. It's a disease you know, a wonderful, glorious, better then sex disease. Unfortunately I have to pay for both.

It's the end of the week explosion! This week is retro all over again when we talk to Seacord about the Nintendo Entertainment System, The Simpsons, Casper the Friendly Ghost, O.J. Simpson, and...wait for it...John Rambo.

Q: So I saw The Simpsons Movie this week...and I didn't love it. Does that make me a bad person?

No, getting arrested three times for trying on wedding dresses after the stores are closed makes you a bad person. Hiding your grandfather's insulin makes you a bad person. Trolling high school parking lots during summer school for "research" makes you a bad person (seriously though, how's that working out? Good, can I catch a ride with you next time?)
Anyway, we love the Simpsons, period. You put your views well in your article. It's the Simpsons. This movie was inevitable and was pretty much just a good episode just longer. Nothing spectacular, but entertaining. I could have waited to see it on DVD, all right maybe not, but I didn't love it either. But I love the Simpsons and always will. It will be one of the best shows ever put on television right next to Chico and the Man and The Shield (which if you haven't seen, pretty much turn off your computer and go buy season 1, 2 and 3 box sets and quit your job.) The whole quitting your job part is just because who really wants to work anyway...I do just fine and I don't work...hang on...my Mom just came in the basement...

It's the end of the week explosion! Holy. Crap. Last week Seacord, Kevin from Comics Alliance and I went to like the second-biggest anime convention in the country – a little something called Otakon 2007. Situated in lovely Baltimore, Maryland this show is...well...almost impossible to describe. We were there as part of a work release program stemming from that little "drinky, drinky, crashy, crashy" incident we had with the school bus at that Arby's near the Baltimore bus station when we were trying to score...uh, we were trying to score points in a scavenger hunt. So anyway, here is our rundown of the madness. We were supposed to take pictures for the site, but we forgot to bring the photographer so we had to use Kevin's camera phone.

Q: The three of us have seen some pretty crazy things in our lives...comic conventions, wrestling matches with exploding rings, exploding cars, the inside of jail cells...but level with me...the stuff that goes on at anime cons really tops everything doesn't it?

Kevin: Otakon melted my face. It took me a few days to adjust to having conversations with people not dressed like Naruto characters. The total amount of weaponry in the hall is amazing. It's like a 10,000 square foot version of Microchip's van from the Punisher comic.

Q: That said, what were your top-three best/worst sights at Otakon this year?

Seacord's Best:
3. The effort and time people put into some wonderful costumes
2. The excitement that was displayed by 14 year-olds for hardcore anime porn
1. Me wishing I had never been born because of 3 and 2

It's the end of the week explosion! Where has Seacord been all week? The anime convention? No, that's next week! Was he in jail? I didn't get any collect phone calls. Was he at 7-11? Maybe...

Q: I think we should warn everybody that there will be no End of the Week Explosion next week. I know this is shocking and unsettling news. Did you remember to tell your parole officer that we'd be at Otakon in Baltimore? Did you have a hard time explaining what an anime convention was?

Seacord: This has been a hectic week, so I haven't had a chance to let him know. It's cool though since Baltimore isn't outside of my "roaming area." What happened this week? My unemployment ran out, well I mean I'm no longer allowed to panhandle at the 7-11 down the street from my house (it's not actually MY house, but that's what you get when you go on vacation for the summer and forget to lock your windows).

Q: We'll be back with a special Otakon report the following week. I remember that you made a very interesting observation at the show last year. You walked over to me and said something about the fact that there were thousands of kids at the show and like 3/4 of them were armed. At any other show or convention there is no way that many weapons would be out on the floor, but in this case it was like "Hey check out my sword!" The kid with the lead pipe made me nervous. Take us back to what you were thinking at the time...

Seacord: This show was CRAZY last year and I'm sure this year it'll be even better. I have NEVER been allowed to roam freely with any type of weapon-looking object let alone walk around in a room full of people with similar wooden/real swords, staffs, etc. I take that back, I was allowed to once, but it was provided to me that time I spent in Thunderdome. I was so close to becoming the undisputed champion and then another good time ruined by the quote "law." This year at Otakon I'm hoping that by Sunday all the Mountain Dew and Hentai don't culminate in some sort of anime showdown. I'm not that worried though. I'd also like to set an over/under on the number of Naruto headbands we'll see. I'm going no less than 400..

It's the end of the week explosion! I have a new career as a police officer...well...it's more like I'm in charge of the neighborhood watch...and by that I mean I'm really enjoying calling the cops on the kids in my building for playing with illegal fireworks. Don't tell Seacord though...he has quite the problem with authority and he's still loopy from all the drugs they gave him in the emergency room for his disfigured hand.

Q: So it was a big holiday week for you. You finally read Planet Hulk, you saw Transformers, AND you lost a finger using illegal fireworks. We'll get to the first two in a bit - but your PO must not have been to happy about the finger huh?

Not happy is an understatement. First off, it's never a good idea to invite your Parole Officer over to your 4th of July BBQ. Why you ask? Because then she expects there to be food and not just an array of cigarettes, cough syrup and bags full of spray paint. Needless to say this was poor planning on my part. What can I say though? After two bottles of cold medicine you begin to think that one bottle rocket can launch seven M-80's and that's crazy talk. In my last second attempt to re-direct said bottle rocket I mistimed the fuse (so I was told) and woke up to the sounds of my P.O.'s oxygen tank, screams, and yes, some cheers. At any rate, being born with six fingers leaves room for error in cases such as this. What is the lesson learned here? God Bless America.

Q: Planet Hulk is so awesome. How awesome is it?

Beyond amazing. I didn't even need the (legally prescribed) Percocet to enhance this experience. (But it did enhance my 12 hour Guitar Hero marathon session, that's right ladies, 12 hours). I'm really hoping that they ramp up the violence here. I would love to see some flash back sequences of the Hulk pummeling Black Bolt. Either that, or Black Bolt screaming in pain and leveling the moon in the process. I wonder if him crying has the same effect as just talking? The Hulk gladiator image has inspired me to re-vamp my wardrobe – but Speedos and a plastic Thundercats sword didn't have the effect I was going for. Which brings me to a quick reminder, if you are 29, you can't just sit in on high school history classes.

It's the end of the week explosion! This week we've got an exciting Transformers video and more rambling about Die Hard. And...appliances. Let's see what Seacord had to say without being sworn-in under oath.

Q: First things first...have you seen this new Transformers video? All I can say is that when I was watching it I found myself wishing it was real. How awesome is this?



What do you mean "wishing" it was real? I've seen Soundwave's guest appearances on Family Guy and now this? I'm gonna need you to be more specific. This video is more lifelike than the news. If I had a quarter for every time an appliance hit on me, well, lets just say I'd have AT LEAST a $1.50. I don't trust them. Especially dish washers. Any machine that has a "quiet" mode is a liar. Plain and simple. The people in this video deserve medals for dealing with such a violent and dangerous robot. At any point he could have freaked out and transformed into a tape deck and then begun airing re-runs of the "Hey Seacord, tin foil won't protect you anymore" show. I hate that show. I was told that radar waves couldn't penetrate them and now here's this video to confirm my fears that robots are living among us? AND they can morph into things so we don't know what they are? Enough is enough dude, I either need to move into the mountains away from technology or quit eating the berries from the bush in front of my house. Either way it's a lose-lose cause those berries are damn tasty.

It's the end of the week explosion! Our friend Seacord seems to have learned a lot from Adam "Packman" Jones and is trying to avoid any more conflicts with the law. As part of his community service, he has to talk to us about comics every week. Well, comics and action movies...

Q: We've got new guys Kevin and Wayne writing some pretty awesome stuff on the site this week - did you learn anything from their teachings?

OK – what is there not to learn? I feel like I've known Kevin and Wayne all of my life, as if we'd grown up together, you know? Just reading their articles brings back memories of Kevin's first summer job, Wayne and his prom date that he snuck off to Detroit with and he found out she was a junkie and she bailed out of the hotel window. Poor Wayne had to go back home and I thought James and Florida were never going to speak to him again. How can I forget about the time Kevin moved into that basement babysitting those little rascals, they really did put him in charge of their wrongs and their rights. With each article it becomes abundantly clear that their knowledge of the comic world has grown with them throughout the years and I wonder, how long till Paul gets his own column? I'm hoping soon. Oh and Kevin, I really think you should have ended up with Winnie.

Q: Did you see the Bat-cycle or whatever the hell that thing is from the next Batman movie? I swear, if I didn't inherently trust that this movie will be fantastic I'd be a little worried about the shoulder pads and the assault bike. Thoughts?

I was worried about the Batmobile from the last movie. Now I'm the exact opposite. Granted the Road Warrior (Mad Max and tag team) shoulder pads are kinda lame. Seriously. We are one step away from having Mecha-Batman, but as far as the cycle goes, I'm sure it'll come off looking pretty decent and be involved in at least one savage chase scene. And the best thing about it is we don't have to worry about some kid and a monkey popping out of the trunk...yeah I'm looking at you, Anderson. I swear I saw him driving down the street in a helmet going "vroom vroom" (and when I say driving I mean sitting in a parking garage in a cardboard box with a Jiffy Pop container on his head).