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The Complete and Utter Insanity of 'Batman: Odyssey' Part 5

Laura Hudson — 2012-10-19T11:00:00+00:00

Illustrated by legendary Batman artist Neal Adams and written by legendarily terrible Skateman writer Neal Adams, Batman: Odyssey launched in 2011 and quickly established itself as hands down, the most insane comic we have ever read. After their shell-shocked review of the initial run, Laura Hudson and David Wolkin have returned to recap the second volume in a continuing attempt to do the impossible: make sense out of the descent into madness that is Batman: Odyssey. The voyage continues.

Laura: I feel like every introductory page in this comic is like a late-night commercial for some random product: bananas, weird protein shakes, ice climbing axes, Keurig coffeemakers. And now, chewable Vitamin C.

David: Neal Adams's favorite vitamin.

David: So before we officially get started, I want to put something on the record: I got most of these comics the day they came out, tried to read them, and then threw them across the room within 3-4 pages. Being forced to finally read them all the way through has been... enlightening. Whereas in the first volume, it was just a kind of crazy storyline, it is now a Batman story whose content appears to be sponsored by Coast to Coast AM. It's like someone took their top five favorite conspiracy theories and shoehorned them into Batman mythology alongside random product placements. Like, I am legitimately expecting Obama's birth certificate to show up at some point.

Laura: In the meantime, after Bruce is done foisting pills on the Exposition Hostage, there is a moment where it seems, briefly, like he might be taking off his shirt again, and it's very exciting! But it's all just a fakeout so Bruce can show off his killer triceps, right before he leans in to give us the eyebrow and a little of his Blue Steel.

David: Bruce absolutely has the body language of a dude at a bar who is trying to work The Game on a lady... not that I'd know.

Laura: This entire comic book has just been Bruce Wayne negging us, I am pretty sure.

Laura: And in today's issue, we also learn about the secret reason that blowing up didn't hurt Robin.

David: Yes: "shaped charges." Robin is always outfitted with bombs that explode outward without hurting him.

Laura: You know what this reminds me of? That time when a guy aimed a gun point blank at Batman's face and fired numerous bullets into it, except later we learned that Batman was actually fine because he has an invisible voice-activated bulletproof visor that he can lower onto his face at any moment. Was there ever any explanation for the extensive blood spatter if the bullets weren't hurting him?

David: Both Batman and Robin's costumes also come with blood packs. These guys really should be bulky like Liefeld heroes, if you think about it.

Laura: BLOOD PACKS sounds like it should have been an insane New 52 comic written and drawn by Rob Liefeld. Just blood-filled pouches as far as the eye can see.

David: Blood Pack was a DC comic, Laura.

Laura: NO. Did I just invent the past with my mind? When was this? Was it the '90s?

David: Of course it was.

Laura: On a team that included heroes like "Sparx" and "Razorsharp."

David: Don't forget Jamm, a "prodigious surfer-dude." I wish you were still Editor-in-Chief of ComicsAlliance so you could force Chris Sims to review all of these. Seriously, I will bribe Joe Hughes.

Laura: Meanwhile, back in the underground lair, everyone still thinks Batman blew up Robin because Batman refuses to explain himself, which leads to Anubis -- who looks oddly like a bat -- shrieking madly while Batman makes his o-face. Man, how much do I love Neal Adams's happy Batman? He's like a living emoticon whose eyes transform into triangles of joy.

David: Happy Batman is like Yotsuba Wayne.

Laura: And now it's time to play the recurring Batman: Odyssey game that I like to call Decipher This Series of Words: "BLAST YOU BOY, you scared the string out of my knees!" What could that possibly mean. Batman's knees are full of string?

David: Oh yeah, for some reason everyone talks like idiots.

Laura: I just Googled the phrase "scared the string out of my knees," and it appears no one has ever said it outside of this comic, right now. Oh wait, I stand corrected: It was also used one time in Volume 1 when Batman dropped LSD.

David: It is literally not a figure of speech.

Laura: Also, Deadman is now apparently possessing the body of Anubis, the Egyptian jackal death god, and asking totally non-sequitur questions like, "How do you do that?" To which Batman replies, "Right-handed." What exactly does Batman do right-handed? Do we really want to know?

David: It's filed under "other stuff."

Laura: Can we back up for a second?

David: Can we back up forever?

Laura: Last we saw, Robin exploded in Sensei's distant lair while Batman watched on his iPhone. Seconds later, Robin appears in the cave where Batman is. How is that possible? I mean, there has to be more to escaping from the fortress of an evil supervillain and making your way across Dinosaur World than just detonating yourself. "How did you escape?" "I blew up."

David: Maybe he used the force of the blast to fly closer to Batman. Don't forget, they both have gravity-based superpowers now, so maybe he's got superspeed too.

Laura: So Robin explodes so hard that he flies across the Underworld and arrives in the next room from Batman. That is the resolution to the cliffhanger. I... accept this.

David: Have you ever tried to join a cult?

Laura: No, but one time I signed someone I really hated up to receive literature from the Scientologists.

David: Or like, say you hear your friends joined a cult, and so you're like "Yeah, I'll check this out, but it's totally nonsense so it won't work on me." And then after a full day locked in a hotel lobby without food or water you start thinking, "Hey, maybe this sort of makes sense and maybe I have been doing everything all wrong?" It usually happens in the 8th hour of the experience. For you, the moment you said "I accept this" was the 8th hour of your Batman: Odyssey experience.

Laura: It's easier once you accept it, David. You'll see.

David: This entire time, you've looked at everything with an utterly rational mind, and you've said, "hold the phone here." And now you articulate something completely senseless and say, "well, sure!" In this moment, Neal Adams becomes Paul Thomas Anderson, and you are his Joaquin Phoenix.

Laura: I still have issues with the ridiculous gender bullsh*t in this book, if that makes you feel any better. Basically, the only women in this comic are the girlfriends of Batman and Jamroth, one of whom -- Tatsinda -- we've never actually seen, and she was summoned into existence off-panel solely so that a man could be angry at another man for taking her. The only reason women even exist in this book is to be dangled out of reach like narrative carrots and make men want to fight people.

David: I'm pretty sure that Jamroth Bok's woman is actually Ruben Blades.

Laura: Oh man! That would mean that Batman actually tried to kill Jamroth Bok's woman back in Volume 1! And they'd have to fight! It'd be totally like the surprise ending of Double Dragon II!

David: Maybe Jamroth's lady is the old lady from the train?

Laura: It literally doesn't matter who she is. She has a vagina and she is in another castle. From now on, let's pretend that "the women" are some sort of really beloved collectible item, like a pog. Someone stole their favorite pogs, and they have to get them back. Absolutely nothing about the story will change except that it will make me less angry, I'm pretty sure.

David: Anger and confusion. I'm sure that's what Adams was going for here. I hope that ends of up the front of the hardcover. "This book made me feel confused and angry!" -ComicsAlliance

David: Can we get to the spread where Batman gives the crazy speech about taking down the Sensei? Because that crowd needs to be explained.

Laura: You're welcome to take a shot at trying. For some reason this reminds me of that crazy cave rave scene in the second Matrix movie. Except there's no women, so it's so just a bunch of dudes and animal-dudes shrieking and shaking their sticks around a fire about how they need to "reclaim their mounts." Do you think they mean the T-Rexes, or the women?

David: In this splash page I see: wizards, scientists, trolly people, Egyptian godthings, and standing with his arms folded is... maybe the little devil boy from Seven Soldiers?

Laura: Totally plausible. Also, when Batman asks who will join him, why does Jamroth Bok says that the BLINDERS HAVE DROPPED FROM HIS EYES and he is totally in now? This is a guy who was already acting like Batman, dressing like Batman, calling himself by the same name as Batman and referring to Batman as "master." Pretty sure he was already on board!

David: Then Batman and crew basically launch an aerial dinosaur attack against some very generic soldiers who, despite being mercenaries or something, have no idea what to do when being attacked.

Laura: Remember, in Batman: Odyssey, everything surprises everybody.

David: Sensei's assassins are not prepared for being attacked. THEY ARE ASSASSINS.

Laura: That guy in the middle panel is the new stand-in for the reader, David. "I don't know... I DON'T KNOW!"

David: Seriously, on the League of Assassins final exam (there's a written test), I know there's a question that asks what to do if someone attacks you and the correct answer is not "I DON'T KNOW!"

Laura: This is totally the guy who picks all the obviously wrong questions on tests. Like on the driver's exam when they ask, "What do you do at a red light?" this is the one guy who chooses D) ACCELERATE.

David: And I will never get tired of seeing a hippoman shooting guns.

Laura: How could you get tired of that? It's like looking at the craziest Doom 2 mod ever.

David: "SET IS USING MP5's LIKE COLT 45's"

Laura: Oh man. I just read the page where Batman explains what happened to the women -- pogs -- that were stolen by Sensei.

David: They weren't stolen by Sensei.

Laura: Of course not. It turns out they were actually stolen by R'as Al Ghul. But he doesn't have them now either, because he gave them to the engineers. Except the engineers don't have them either anymore, because they gave them to the gnomes.

David: Yes, now the gnomes have their things. And by things, I mean women. But I say things because Batman calls them "things."

Laura: HOLY SH*T DAVID they actually do call the women "things." I thought you were kidding. HOLY SH*T.

David: Batman and company trade the mystery key for the ladies, and then Batman asks Talia on a date, and somehow she is inexplicably dressed for exactly that.

Laura: She is wearing a... Garment of Improbability. I do not think it has sides. Also, I'm not really sure why I'm even asking this question, but why did the women get given by R'as to the engineers, and then by the engineers to the trolls? And then after the Troll King gives the women back, why do Batman and Bat-Man have to fight the trolls again?

David: I think there was a convoluted betrayal of some sort.

Laura: I... accept this. I think the troll king kills his son for rebelling against him and fighting Batman, although it's hard to say because it makes no sense and also I don't care? But this is apparently another CLIFFHANGER.

David: Just step back and take a look at that panel of the crying troll and tell me thats not something special.

Laura: His word is his bond, David. This is certainly a gnome who is ready to pour out a forty. So, is the comic over now? It says "TO BE CONTINUED," but they already got the women back and the rebellion is over. What are they going to do for the next two issues?

David: I think issues 6 and 7 are just Batman on a date with Talia. Wait, what if Nude Bruce has been talking to Talia this whole time?

Laura: Telling her this story over drinks? Nude Bruce is the most obnoxious date ever. He's totally that guy you go to dinner with who does nothing but talk about himself the whole time and then three hours later tells you what a great conversation you had.

David: But seriously, just so we're clear: This comic does, in fact, get crazier from here on out.

Laura: ...

Next time on Batman: Odyssey: Who the f*** knows?

Recap of Batman: Odyssey, Volume 1
Recap of Batman: Odyssey, Volume 2 #1-2
Recap of Batman: Odyssey, Volume 2 #3
Recap of Batman: Odyssey, Volume 2 #4

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The Complete and Utter Insanity of 'Batman: Odyssey,' Part 4

Laura Hudson — 2012-10-12T10:00:00+00:00

Filed under: DC, Reviews, Humor, Opinion

David: Every month I say to myself "this couldn't possibly get crazier." And then it does, Laura.

Laura: Stay strong, David. There are only a few issues left. Also, I believe the first dialogue bubble in issue #5 -- "the smallest violin in the world, and it's playing a tune just for me" -- is a callback to an Odyssey panel that you have very special feelings about.

David: Ahhh, yes. Who could forget Alfred making sex hands?

David: Of all the times I wish a Batman comic was made into an animated film, it would be for this one. Can you imagine the animated Batman: Odyssey?

Laura: No.

David: Just...try.

Laura: I admit that this amounts to a failure of imagination, but it's kind of like when someone says, "Can you imagine how far a billion miles is?" I can pretend to, but in reality the mind has limits.

David: The good thing about this recap page is that it actually recaps things that have already happened, which is progress.

Laura: Yes! Like the fact that Robin has secretly followed Batman to the Underworld, and that Talia and Tatsinda are missing, although that part is weird because it says they are "assumed" missing. It also says Tatsinda -- whom we've never met -- is Jamroth Bok's "woman" in quotation marks. I'm kind of scared to find out what that means.

David: I'm pretty sure Talia and Tatsinda are getting drinks together. It's probably ladies night at Area 51 or something.

Laura: The endless whinging at the Exposition Hostage continues, as Bruce complains about how frustrating it is to capture criminals and send them to jail when they always seem to get out again and commit more crimes, which -- sorry, is the entire story of all Batman comics ever. Get used to it.

David: It is a nice little commentary. I mean, that's the choice that Batman makes by not killing bad guys. And it's the main reason why Jean-Paul Valley was definitively a better Batman. Yes, I said that. AZRAEL 4 LYFE.

Laura: Hold on, David. I have a incoming message for you from Chris Sims. It says... "I HATE YOU."

David: I sort of saw that coming.

Laura: Also, it is not a nice little commentary; beneath all the incoherence, this is quickly becoming a story based on the same overused "high" concept that every armchair quarterback Batman fan probably imagines as his magnum opus: "Batman doesn't kill. But what if he... KILLED?" DUN DUN DUN. Seeing Bruce sit here and have this endless monologue as though this is the first time the idea occurred to him is pretty tiresome.

David: I mean, the whole Exposition Hostage thing is pretty tiresome. Every issue opens the same way. It was one thing when he was shirtless, but now...

Laura: No, David. You are wrong again. It is the one thing I legitimately look forwards to every issue. There is no logical way to predict what will happen in this comic from moment to moment, in terms of plot, character, dialogue or even the linear movement of time. The only think we can be certain of in this world is that a wild-eyed Bruce Wayne will stare us deeply in the eyes at the beginning of each issue and shout plot points at us while eating and drinking random foods and wearing DC Comics swag. That's all I have to hold on to.

David: Meanwhile, back in the Underworld, Robin tames a pterodactyl by punching it in the head with his new gravity powers.

Laura: Yes he does, while instructing the pterodactyl to "steady out, cutie." Then he says one of the most inexplicable sentences I have ever heard in my life, which I can only imagine was composed via magnetic poetry on someone's fridge: "This is a lead pipe cinch. I feel like I'm riding my old egg-cream buddy Man-Bat."

David: That's a comic I want to pitch to DC right now: "ROBIN AND MAN-BAT: EGG CREAM BUDDIES"

Laura: Drawn by Art Baltazar!

David: Will you be my egg cream buddy, Laura? I promise not to ride you like a dinosaur.

Laura: Don't make vaguely disturbing promises you can't keep, David. Also, what is up with the moon eyes Deadman makes here when he tells Robin how great and awesome and and funny he is, and then gazes at him wistfully and says, "I wish..."

Laura: Can you find a reading of that which is not disturbing?

David: I think it's connected to their shared history regarding circus murders.

Laura: What is he wishing for?

David: I'm pretty sure that the only thing Deadman ever wishes for is to not be dead.

Laura: After deciding to split up and head in different directions for no reason, Deadman gives Robin an iPhone loaded with a map to his mystery destination, which somehow gets coverage in a secret dinosaur world deep inside the Earth. And based on Robin's complete inability to be anywhere he is supposed to be for the rest of the comic, I'm going to guess that it's running iOS 6. Robin immediately pulls up Deadman's Wikipedia page, and learns that Deadman was originally shot to death while performing in a trapeze act. Robin's reaction to this news is super amazing, because it is a perfect combination of the Best Bruce Face Ever that we use to lead each Odyssey article, and the way Batman reacted one time to meeting a whale.

David: Narration Box Bruce implies that Robin also somehow figures out the truth about the murder of his own parents, who were also shot during their trapeze act. Bruce's reflection on this moment is insane.

David: He always thought he'd be there to drink hot chocolate with him!

Laura: Somehow, Robin realizes that both Deadman and the Graysons were killed by hitmen as part of an initiation for the League of Assassins, which is a weird and very specific litmus test. To prove your worthiness for entry into the most elite guild of hired killers, you first must dispose of... A CIRCUS PERFORMER.

David: "If you can assassinate a trapeze artist midair, then you can assassinate anyone. Except Batman." But Robin's face on the next page is the big payoff.

Laura: *saves to hard drive for future use* What an amazing rageface. I'm just going to start posting this on Twitter every time something infuriating happens. Wait, is Robin attacking the bat? ALL YOU HAVE IS YOUR BAT, ROBIN. Don't push him away.

David: The giant bat does have a legitimately concerned look on its face.

Laura: Also why does the bat make noises that sound like the neighbors in the apartment above you having sex?

David: My neighbors broke up, Laura. The only thing I hear is cats. PLEASE TURN THE PAGE PLEASE.

Laura: Oh, hell yes! It's time again for everyone's favorite jive-talking wizard, Sylvester the clarinet player!

Laura: Last time we learned that this place was full of jazz magicians, dinosaur people and little green men, and now we find out that it contains "greys," people with the heads of wolves, "animen," and -- wait for it -- the LIBRARY AT ALEXANDRIA.

David: Which apparently found its way to inner earth because the ancient Egyptian gods live there.

Laura: Oh, we'll get to that shortly. We also meet what I believe are the descendents of the first human civilization in Sumeria, which for some reason have a TV news crew that follows Batman around.

David: It is for the INTRAnet. And the official motto of the library according to the wizard: "you can glom tome any time you need." To the tune of Hotel California: "Welcome to the Library Alexandria, you can glom a tome, any time you need!"

Laura: Batman cheerily greets a coterie of famous scientists who also live here, shaking their hands and congratulating them on their accomplishments, before doing his next favorite thing: spinning around in a sudden rage of fingerpointing and indignation and shouting accusations. Did we learn nothing from the dinosaur people riots, Batman?

David: The scientists used to work for Wayne Enterprises in the 1950s, but they haven't aged because they moved underground after making a deal with Ra's al Ghul, took Lazarus baths and are now all as old as their grandchildren, who have grown up playing with dinosaur kids in the Library at Alexandria.

Laura: Batman implies they are bad parents and offers to help reintegrate their children into the upper world with the resources of Wayne Enterprises, which frankly sounds like a lot like bulls*** cultural imperialism. These kids get to hang out with their families in a super-advanced underground world of science, dinosaurs and magic with access to a fountain of immortality. If only some brave hero could return them to the squalor and danger of Gotham City, a place where they have never ever lived! As the world's greatest detective, Batman has also deduced, apropos of nothing, that the ancient Egyptian gods live in a secret chamber nearby, and demands that the scientists take him there.

Laura: For no reason, cut immediately to Deadman, punching a gnome who is onomatopoeically named PRINCE THOCK.

David: "I AM DEADMAN AND I BRING YOU DEATH ON HOARY WINGS."

Laura: Thock's father is named EPOCHH, and when Deadman defeats Thock in battle Deadman demands a key to... something. Naturally, we don't know what.

David: It is a key to a thing.

Laura: Epochh begs Deadman to return the mystery key to some mystery gatekeeper "for the hie and mien of all creation's creatures." You keep using these words, Neal Adams. They do not mean what you think they mean.

David: And then Robin just shows up!

Laura: After he left specifically to go in the opposite direction, yes.

David: They make small talk for two panels, and then he leaves again.

Laura: Deadman gets shot with an arrow for no reason, and then heads off to deliver the mystery key to Batman, who is busy having a fistfight with... Anubis, the jackal-headed ancient Egyptian deity of the afterlife, while serving up some pretty uncharacteristic smack talk.

Laura: "You people." I have to say, though, for the god of death and darkness, Anubis is a bit of a glass jaw. Batman totally rings his bell. HUCK HUCK HUCK!

David: Well, good thing Anubis has the hippo-man from that Elephantman comic to back him up.

Laura: The scientist keeps trying to calm everyone down and explain the situation, but Batman's freight train of aggression and personal insults cannot be stopped. All of which leads to a scene where the Dark Knight decides to play the Dozens with an ancient Egyptian hippopotamus god by telling "yo momma" jokes.

Laura: BUUUUURN. When they finally end up talking, we learn that the Egyptian gods were actually products of ancient genetic experiments who sometimes rose to the world above through a fountain, and inspired religious worship.

David: Yet another obscure conspiracy theory?

Laura: Gotta catch 'em all, David. Then Batman gets a Facetime call on his iPhone from Sensei, and learns that Sensei has taken Robin hostage.

David: So Batman explodes him.

Laura: Batman blows up Robin, yes. When he learns that Robin is standing near his enemy, Batman -- BATMAN! -- does not hesitate for even a second before detonating the explosives lining the body of his adolescent ward. The gusto with which the Caped Crusader turns his teenage sidekick into a human bomb is maniacal. Question: Did Batman seriously wire Robin to blow up and then send him on a suicide mission?

David: Maybe he always wires him to blow up. JUST IN CASE.

Laura: Is this plan ever mentioned previously?

David: Nothing is ever mentioned previously. Even though everything is in flashback, the whole thing is explained after the fact, or sometimes before the fact, or sometimes in between the facts.

Laura: Would you like to try and predict the resolution of this cliffhanger in advance, David?

David: Something tells me there's more to this situation, Laura. And that something is the fact that I've already read the next issue. But don't worry. I'm sure if Robin is still alive, the explanation will make all kinds of sense.

Next time on Batman: Odyssey: Who the f*** knows?

Recap of Batman: Odyssey, Volume 1
Recap of Batman: Odyssey, Volume 2 #1-2
Recap of Batman: Odyssey, Volume 2 #3

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The Complete and Utter Insanity of 'Batman: Odyssey', Part 3

Laura Hudson — 2012-08-29T13:00:00+00:00

Filed under: DC, Humor

Illustrated by legendary Batman artist Neal Adams and written by legendarily terrible Skateman writer Neal Adams, Batman: Odyssey launched in 2011 and quickly established itself as hands down, the most insane comic we have ever read. After their shell-shocked review of the initial run, Laura Hudson and David Wolkin have returned to recap the second volume in a continuing attempt to do the impossible: make sense out of the descent into madness that is Batman: Odyssey. The voyage continues.

Laura: Today in Batman: Odyssey #3, the terrifying ordeal of the Exposition Hostage continues, as a character who may or may not be trapped in a locked room listens to Bruce Wayne tell the story of the times before and after the time someone told him a story about some other time. Which is to say, the story of the comic. The Exposition Hostage, obviously, represents the reader.

David: This issue opens with Bruce Wayne showing him all the pictures that he took of himself while he was on his Odyssey with "remote cameras."

Laura: And by "pictures" he means "panels from the previous issue." I also like how Exposition Hostage tries to avoid looking at all of Batman's stupid vacation pictures but Bruce keeps shoving them into his hands, all LOOK AT THEM, F***KING LOOK AT THEM!

David: THIS IS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE WHEN MY BATPLANE IS AN ACTUAL BAT OR A DINOSAUR OR WHATEVER.

Laura: Bruce starts to recap the trouble brewing in the dinosaur world inside the earth, and lists a number of factions that are currently involved in the conflict, including "the assassins, R'as' oilers, magicians, aliens and old gods." Do you know what these things have in common, David?

David: Probably that I don't remember these things coming up at any point prior to now.

Laura: Yes.

David: But this is a thing I've said to you many times before.

Laura: Can we also address the slang used throughout the book for a moment? Because the way the characters speak from panel to panel changes so radically.

David: For starters, Primus appears to think he is British or Scottish, from what I can tell. Either he is talking about "jig time" or making Sherlock Holmes references.

Laura: Why, why would that be? He is a dinosaur boy who lives underground.

David: I suppose the British Empire could have reached farther than we thought with their colonial enterprises? "It's time for us to colonize downward, old chap."

Laura: Also, there are some racial undertones that I'm really uncomfortable with in this issue, so we might as well dive right in to that.

David: Oh yes, there are. I am not entirely certain that they are undertones.

Laura: The trolls... the trolls... are some of the most disconcerting characters I have seen in comics in a long time.

David: Well, to be fair, these are also cannibal trolls that try to straight up eat Robin.

Laura: Indeed, as they are leading Robin to the dinosaur underworld that somehow is ten minutes from the Batcave, one of the trolls LITERALLY BITES ROBIN'S ASS and then gaslights him something fierce. It's like watching street harassment. Robin is like, "what the hell, don't touch me" and the trolls are all, whatever b*tch, why you gotta be so rude? We're just trying to have a little fun, and you gotta get all craaazy.

David: We just wanna get our eat on, son.

Laura: The booty just looked so good!

David: And then Deadman shows up to help, suddenly tangible and inexplicably carrying a frying pan and he calls the trolls "mud puppies" which, well has some, shall we say... "prejudicial connotations."

Laura: Ughhhhhhh. This is my face, my face right now.

Laura: I am not exaggerating when I say that the trolls make me feel like I'm looking at some horribly pernicious racial caricature from the 19th century. And yes, I know that "mud puppies" is also a name for salamanders and that is probably what Neal Adams meant, but in this context it cannot help but sound like an absolutely toxic racial slur. The idea of creating an entire race of simpering, servile beings who alternate between obsequious bowing and scraping and subhuman stupidity is so ignorant that all I can do, all I can do is make that face. Because at a certain point being tone-deaf isn't an excuse: It's the actual problem.

Laura: Naturally, the trolls are also deceitful and violent as well, and beneath the veneer of servility, they're basically just animals who are waiting to turn on you. If you just beat them sufficiently when they get uppity and teach them their place, however, they can be useful. Which is why Deadman -- who cringingly has the whitest face that is literally possible -- shows up to wail on the trolls with frying pans.

Laura: After the frying pan beating, they're all good little step 'n fetch it servants again, which is super disturbing and goes on forever and wheeeeeeen will this terrible scene end? Answer: After the trolls trot out to the bat stables and retrieve some giant bat steeds for their assailants.

Laura: Which, if you'll remember correctly, is that same thing that happened with Jamroth and the trolls in the last issue, except that after the beating, he paid them for their services with a shiny spoon.

David: So the simple mud people like shiny things?

Laura: There is an "I'll trade you $24 in beads for Manhattan" quality to this I am additionally uncomfortable with. Also, Robin totally advocates for their genocide, and Deadman agrees that this would be a great idea if the trolls didn't have such practical uses.

David: Maybe we should just skip this discussion.

Laura: Yeah, my skin is crawling, so let's move on. Now Robin and Deadman are flying on giant bats through the air, but Batman and Jamroth are also flying on giant bats through the air somewhere completely different and having an esoteric conversation about "abiotic oil" deposits deep inside the Earth. Which sounds boring but is secretly amazing because it turns out to be a key component of Expanding Earth theory, Neal Adams's pet geologic conspiracy that states that the earth is constantly growing and scientists are just hiding it from us. When Jamroth says "abiotic oil," Batman looks up and they basically do the Expanding Earth secret handshake.

David: Yes, that is exactly what they're doing. And then... there are tanks.

Laura: Among many, many other things. As discussed, there is a weird underground land war being fought between R'as Al Ghul's son Sensei and the dinosaur people, so Batman, Jamroth and Primus fly their giant bats to a military hangar and guess who's there! A whole parade of nonsensical characters we've never seen before, including, notably, aliens and wizards. And not just any wizards. Jive-talking beatnik wizards. Who communicate with doughboys.

David: There are so many things I never expected to see in this comic, and the top of the list is a dude in a Wizard outfit saying "This is a righteous beef."

Laura: Yeah, this is where things start to go totally off the rails, even by the extraordinarily high standards of Batman: Odyssey, into straight up David Lynch territory. This goes beyond Bruce Wayne's seductive banana eating in front of a terrified hostage, beyond the bloody machine gun krumping battle, beyond even the time Batman appeared to drop acid and attempt to murder a Panamaian superstar dressed like the Riddler. All of it pales in comparison to what unfolds here, starting with a panel where a wizard and an alien use some very unexpected slang:

Laura: Then Batman and the wizard have an exchange that is so completely preposterous that I am going to reproduce it here in its entirety, because I believe that is the only way it can be fully appreciated.

David: And someday, someone on Youtube will make an audiobook out of it.

Laura: I hope it can do justice to these two cool cats and the groovy beat poem they're about to perform. For maximum impact, try to imagine a background of cool jazz and fingersnaps playing behind this:

David: It turns out that Batman and the wizard know each other! Batman is friends with the jive-talking wizard because of course he is! I'm so happy that I got to type the sentence, "Batman is friends with the jive-talking wizard."

Laura: Yes, the wizard's name is Sylvester. And he likes to play the clarinet. Batman knows this, intuitively. Question: How is it possible that Batman knows the wizard so well that he's on a first name basis and hip to his personal choice of woodwind, but still has to ask if his magic is real?

David: Is that a real question?

Laura: I don't know anymore.

David: Well, they all start fighting what appear to be spacemen, but they are actually "oilers" or salt miners or assassins or something. I think this was covered in the first page of the book when Bruce gave a recap of things that hadn't happened yet. It seems that Sensei is behind some of this, but I thought he was in Arkham with the bees.

Laura: He escaped with the bees, apparently.

David: OK, just to clear up what Sensei has done in this story so far: He escaped from Arkham Asylum with the power of bees and then went underground to start a war against magicians and aliens. You know that thing that Chris Sims says about how he doesn't have to write jokes so much as write down exactly what happens? I'm starting to understand. Okay, so:

1. Dinosaur people
2. Cannibalistic trolls
3. Magic bees
4. Giant bats
5. Jive-talking wizards

Laura: I believe they are called "jazz magicians."

Laura: 6. Glowing aliens from the book Communion

David: 7. Armored dinosaurs

Laura: 8. Doughboys
9. Oilmen (?)

David: Aaaaaand 10. Batman has gravity-based superpowers.

Laura: We know this because Batman picks up a tank and heaves it like a bowling ball at his enemies. But not before an incredibly sad panel of (not)Nude Bruce crying in his coffee about how he's too weak to murder people.

David: He is the "weak sister." Which all translates to "I really wish I could kill people!"

Laura: Dude is BROKEN UP about it. If only he could be a real man, maniacally blowing people away with a massive chaingun like Jamroth!

Laura: I am starting to have some real concerns now that we're watching some sort of Bat-Hamlet play out. He wants to kill... but he can't kill! But he must kill! Even though he feels guilty about both killing and not killing! And he will definitely tell us all about it at great length in as many half-naked soliloquies as possible!

David: Batman has watched a lot of people die in this comic.

Laura: On a side note, I kind of love that panel where a character we don't know is hitting another character we don't know in the head with the butt of a rifle and saying "Hey... I like this gun." It's such an odd, wonderful little moment. Because somewhere, somehow, Neal Adams thought to himself, "hmm, maybe one of the soldiers in this battle really likes his gun! I should definitely put that in." And because this is Batman: Odyssey, he does.

David: But let's get back to the rest of the battle because there are armored dinosaurs. And wizard fights!

Laura: And Sensei finally shows up, but he is weirdly out of scale and like ten feet taller than Batman. He is clearly from a different line of collectibles.

David: I think that's a hologram. I think all of this is a hologram.

Laura: They are holograms that also project holograms from their crotches?

David: Of course. So Sensei and Batman get into it, and it's a pretty cool fight.

Laura: The smack talk before the battle is great too:

Sensei: As for me, I am very good.

Sensei: I am the best, actually.

David: "I have not been scathed in 22 years"

Laura: But Sensei totally mixes metaphors when he's trying to goad Batman into the fight, suggesting that Batman is "chewing off his leg to avoid a challenge." That is not really something that a person does to avoid a challenge. I would submit that chewing off your own leg is actually a fairly challenging thing to do!

David: They do end up fighting, though, and they fight good. When Batman jacks Sensei in the face really hard, we learn that Sensei has the ability to not bleed. Like, to retain blood that should otherwise be bled in the case of an injury.

Laura: THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN BLOOD

Laura: THE MUCH LESS INTERESTING MOVIE BY P.T. ANDERSON

David: Then the fight ends, and Sensei says that Batman had three chances to kill him and squandered them all. I can only think of one so far, which is the fight that just happened.

Laura: And how was that fight definitive? Batman punches Sensei in the face one time, and then Sensei is like, "game over, you lose," mwahahas about how he's going to kill everybody, and walks off. Sensei, the guy Batman specifically came to the underworld to stop. I'd say that Sensei "escapes," but really he just moseys along, casually murdering a few people on his way off into the sunset while Batman just stands there and watches him go like this is the end of a sad country song and Sensei is just dust in the wind, man.

David: Also, Sensei punches a rocket on his way out.

Laura: He punches the rocket so that it flies into someone else, and Batman says that he "knows this technique but doesn't know it." What the hell does that mean?

David: He knows it but he doesn't know it.

Laura: What is know knowing? It is similar to like liking? Or rape raping?

David: I think it's like, we "know" what's happening in Batman: Odyssey, but we also have no idea what's happening in Batman: Odyssey. Maybe it's similar to that.

Next time on Batman: Odyssey: Who the f*** knows?

Recap of Batman: Odyssey, Volume 1
Recap of Batman: Odyssey, Volume 2 #1-2

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The Complete And Utter Insanity Of 'Batman: Odyssey': Part 2

Laura Hudson — 2012-08-20T13:00:00+00:00

Filed under: DC, Humor

Initially slated as a miniseries illustrated by legendary Batman artist Neal Adams and written by legendarily terrible Skateman writer Neal Adams, Batman: Odyssey launched in 2011 and quickly established itself as hands down, the most insane comic we have ever read. When we heard the news that the mind-threshing title would return for a second volume, we knew that our work here was not yet done. Because you demanded it, Laura Hudson and David Wolkin are back to recap the first two issues of the relaunched series in an ongoing feature that continues to attempt the impossible: making sense of Batman: Odyssey.

Laura: Is there some way we can do a recap for new readers who are just joining us?

David: Is that even intellectually possible? Last I remember, everything was incomprehensible and crazy, and Bruce Wayne fell asleep on the floor of the Batcave with everyone watching.

Laura: Yes, after a long series of totally inexplicable things occurred, Bruce curled up and took a nap in front of the entire cast after rolling around on the ground laughing maniacally, talking about octopuses, and announcing that it was time... for an Odyssey.David: Yes. He wore the shirt of the band he was going to see. Or, in DC Comics terms, he named the story in the story.

Laura: Actually, this might help. Here's how Neal Adams described the first volume in a Newsarama interview: "In the first six issues, moving up into the seventh issue, I tell you these stories that seem to be separate stories, having nothing to do with one another." That is the most concise plot summary I can imagine.

Laura: But as we kick off Volume 2, we find ourselves back in the room where a shirtless Batman (a.k.a. Nude Bruce) is apparently first-person narrating the story of the comic to a mysterious individual in the reader's point-of-view, where things started getting creepy as Bruce seductively ate bananas and wielded axes in a threatening manner. More and more, I think that this person in these introductory sequences is some sort of exposition hostage.

David: EXPOSITION HOSTAGE. It's like Reservoir Dogs gone horribly wrong.

Laura: Except instead of cutting off some guy's ear, he just forces him to listen to interminable stories about his coffee maker for PAGES AND PAGES.

David: Yes. We need to address the fact that the second part of this epic story opens with Bruce bragging about his Keurig. In the world of storytelling, we know that one of the key rules is "show, don't tell," but what we have here is an excellent example of the loophole of "Well, what if I just show another guy telling?" I just imagine Neal Adams working on this story and someone hands him a cup of coffee and he drinks it and is all "This came from a machine? SHOW ME."

Laura: Here's is my very best guess at what I think Bruce is trying to explain to his coffee date: R'as Al Ghul's son -- whose name, I kid you not, is Sensei -- is a bad dude, and he has decided to kill his father because he didn't get to use the Lazarus Pit as much as he wanted and so he ended up aging over time because that is how time works. R'as tried to trick Batman into killing random people because that would somehow mean he'd also kill Sensei, which is why in the previous volume R'as replaced the Riddler with a doppleganger who was actually "that monster Reuben Blades," a Panamanian superstar who killed a child and sent Batman into a murderous rage, except the child was fine.

Laura: Lord, I wish I could explain how much more sense the things I am saying make than the words that actually appear on the page.

David: And I can barely understand you. Also, it seems that Ra's apparently engineered Bruce/Batman's entire life so that he would eventually kill Sensei, because, you know, that's easier than using a gun. Sensei also has a palatial three-bedroom suite that is somehow connected to Arkham Asylum.

Laura: Yes, R'as Al Ghul's son -- who again, is named "Sensei" -- lives in a opulent hotel room that is inexplicably connected to Arkham Asylum, behind a long series of doors and traps a la the introduction to Mystery Science Theater 3000.

David: At this point, you're probably saying to yourself, "But that doesn't make any sense." And to that, I respond "but the cupcakes aren't wearing tuxedos, Laura." You might also say to yourself, "There's no way this could possibly end with bees." But you would be wrong.

Laura: NOT THE BEES. Also, Neal Adams? Has never seen what a bee looks like. It's like someone just described the idea of a bee to him in really abstract terms and he took his best shot.

David: No, no. They are magic bees.

Laura: Magic bees that have long, orange and black striped horns in the shape of carrots protruding out of their faces, and look like they're wearing wraparound sunglasses from the late 1990s. Also, that one Arkham prisoner has some seriously lyrical dialogue about the bees: "Not of this world / They riddle through pure iron / These could eat the world." He's like five seconds away from breaking into a slam poem.

David: A Batman: Odyssey slam poem can happen. Euge can write it.

Laura: This whole scene operates through total dream logic. "It was this really beautiful hotel, but somehow it was also Arkham Asylum? And to get from one room to another, you had to go through a long hallway of locked doors and elaborate traps and this crazy dude lived there who could control bees with his mind and he made all the prisoners kill each other while Riddler and the Joker watched the whole thing from a skybox." Is that a fair summary?

David: Let me try: A powerful man builds a home for himself in an asylum, locked behind many doors. He asks a gang of afflicted fools to break him out, but then breaks himself out with bees. Then he makes the fools fight to the death. Corinthians 23:8

David: AND THEN THEY GO INSIDE THE EARTH.

Laura: Yes, Batman and Robin go inside the earth while riding giant winged bats, along with their friend who also dresses like Batman and their other friend who dresses like Robin. Neither character has ever been explained. They find themselves chasing a guy on a T-Rex who is armed with a shotgun, and in true Neal Adams style, one of the characters lets us know this, a thing we can see in the picture we are looking at, by saying "THAT'S A SHOTGUN!"

David: I think we need to take a moment and simply say that Batman is fighting dudes on T-Rexes while flying on a giant bat. Despite whatever confusion surrounds this moment, this is possibly the best two-page spread in comics history.

Laura: Acknowledged.

David: On the next page, Batman calls a guy stupid for aiming at him while shooting him.

Laura: In the course of this battle, Batman, who has spent several pages in this issue telling us how he doesn't kill, unseats the shotgun-wielding enemy and throws him down in front of the T-Rex while basically saying, "I hope this giant, murderous dinosaur doesn't eat you! HAHAHAHAHA!"

David: "The Batman does not use guns. He uses dinosaurs."

Laura: Also, the T-Rex's name is Tiny. Nobody tells Batman this, but he knows it, intuitively.

David: Well, Batman gets knocked off of Tiny after trying to figure out how to steer it, and then wouldn't you know it, there's a flashback. In which Batman chats with Ra's Al Ghul, while doing gymnastics in bed. I wonder if those rings have any "secondary" uses.

Laura: The gymnastics equipment permanently mounted in Bruce Wayne's boudoir raises several questions, yes.

David: So hold on. This is a flashback to earlier in the story, right? But it leads to where they are now. In the "not-too-distant future." So if this was then, and what just happened is soon, what is happening now?

Laura: I don't think there is a now, David. The scene where they are adventuring in dinosaur world occurs IMMEDIATELY BEFORE the scene where they all leave for dinosaur world. The former is indeed set in the "not-too-distant future" as it literally takes place after the scene that follows it.

David: What's also fun here is that both Ra's and Robin feel left out and they're both super pouty about it. I think a Ra's/Robin team up could be pretty cool.

Laura: Yeah, Robin's not allowed to come on their journey to the center of the earth for no reason that Robin can understand, but also no reason that I can understand.

David: Because no reason is given. That would be a cool thing to put on the cover of this comic: "NO REASONS GIVEN." Then everyone heads out of the Batcave, and we're left with Ra's Al Ghul looking sad and it is amazing? (not a question) Sad Ra's is pretty awesome. "Well, I guess I'll go light some candles around the Lazarus Pit, and read 50 Shades Freed or something..."

David: And now, we need to get ready to head to the underworld. Where there are dinosaur people who copy Batman. And also copy Robin. Even though Robin can't come.

Laura: A long series of even more totally insane things happens pretty quickly in the underworld, so strap in. We finally learn something about JAMROTH BOK, the man who dresses like a purple Batman and keeps showing up in the story for reasons that again, have never been explained. And here's what we find out: He is literally a Neanderthal. Who lives deep inside the earth. Also, his blond sidekick who dresses like Robin (and is named Primus) is secretly a dinosaur. A dinosaur that evolved to look exactly like a person. ALSO ALSO, the dinosaur people live in secret spaces beneath the Earth that have slowly expanded into gargantuan caverns so large that they appear to have skies. I hope everyone understands what that means: Neal Adams has actually found a way to shoehorn his Expanding Earth conspiracy theory into a Batman comic. Sometimes, dreams do come true.

David: Given that Adams has been pretty vocal about his theories for quite some time, it's quite a thing to see it play a direct role in something as notable as a Batman story. We also have to recognize that apparently the inner earth was like a ten minute walk from the Batcave.

Laura: For the moment I'm going to avoid getting too deep in the separate but equally insane world of Expanding Earth theory, so instead, here's a quote from a Wired article where Adams gets schooled about his geologic theories by an actual scientist, as I think you may find it resonant: "After the introductions, Adams launches his secret weapon: a massive amount of verbiage." While I don't disagree that Adams has, in a sense, weaponized language, I think anyone who has read this comic will agree that the secret is out.

David: And with that, we are now done with issue #1. Do you know what's happening at this point? Me neither, but giant flying bats vs. dinosaur people riding actual dinosaurs. Do we think it will get stranger from here? ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT.

Issue #2

David: This next issue brings us the end of Nude Bruce.

Laura: Yes, Nude Bruce tragically puts on a shirt and destroys our nomenclature. But I'd like to believe that at the very least, he is still Donald Duckin' it.

David: He doesn't just put on a shirt, Laura. He's actively shilling for his own publisher.

Laura: Shirty Shilly Bruce, as is his wont, immediately launches back in the other story about the time after the time before the time, when Batman, Jamroth Bok, and Primus headed out in the land inside the Earth to pick up their sweet dinosaur mounts, but got waylaid by a bunch of trolls. PLEASE PLEASE let these be a metaphor for internet fans.

David: I'd like to think that trolls like us helped to sell this comic.

Laura: But Batman and company also need the trolls, because the trolls control the giant flying bats. So they punch the trolls in the face, call them "vile, useless dirt-biting scum," and Jamroth pays them for the animals with a shiny spoon. Possibly, the spoon also represents this comic. Now mounted on their giant bloodthirsty bat-creatures, the heroes head off to battle Sensei's T-Rex riding minions, and we're treated to yet another battle scene plastered with captions where Batman silently narrates his actions in every single panel where we can also see what he does.

David: And if the scene where Batman gets thrown from the T-Rex seems familiar, that's because it is exactly replicated from the same scene in issue #2. Which is to say that we saw the flash forward to what is happening now during a flashback from last issue.

Laura:

Laura: Then Batman rides a stolen T-Rex, a thing he assures us, while doing a jaunty jete, that he does not like, and the heroes defeat their enemies and have a big, confusing argument about who is and is not going to the dinosaur drop. What is a dinosaur drop? Is it when the dinosaur beat gets incredibly sick?

David: It is... like carpool, but with dinosaurs. But while riding his T-Rex on the way to the dinosaur drop, Batman gets attacked by other dinosaur people!

Laura: And something genuinely awesome happens:

Laura: BATMAN. T-REX. FASTBALL SPECIAL.

David: AHHHH...YES.

Laura: This occurs during an attack by dinosaur people who have evolved from dinosaurs, but also eat dinosaurs, which also still exist. And Primus is their prince.

David: Primus, the Prince of the Cannibal Dinosaurs.

Laura: They all sit down for dinner to eat Batman's T-Rex, and during the course of the meal Batman uncovers two traitors among the dinosaur people who have been helping Sensei's men, and agitates the tribespeople into a righteous frenzy until they stab the two men to death. That is some more great not-killing, Batman.

David: Batman is very "oops!" about the fact that he convinced the tribe to kill two of their people.

Laura: Batman is totally having a case of the Mondays.

David: "Accidentally convinced a mob with predominantly raptor-based reptile brains to commit murder? Must be on a Batman Odyssey!"

Laura: I'd also like to note that there is literally only one scene where any female characters appear in either of these issues, and this is it.

Laura: Naturally, they do not speak. WOMEN IN COMICS EVERYBODY.

David: OOH LOOK AT LAURA HUDSON AND HER RADICAL FEMINIST AGENDA. There you go, commenters. I saved you the trouble!

Laura: As a final caveat, I think it's important to emphasize that we really do make all of this sound so much more coherent than it is. I had to read almost every page four or five times to decode what was happening, and for every time Batman goes flying off a T-Rex like an Olympic diver, know there are ten pages of nonsense that are kind of like trying to have a conversation with a really drunk friend at a party where they mumble incoherently and repeat themselves over and over and switch between laughing and crying and then puke all over the floor.

David: Wow, yeah. That's basically it.

Next time on Batman: Odyssey: Who the f*** knows?

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Laura Hudson Leaves ComicsAlliance as Editor-in-Chief

Laura Hudson — 2012-06-08T13:15:00+00:00

Filed under: News

Hello, good-bye.

As most of you know, I'm the editor-in-chief of ComicsAlliance. I created this site a little over three years ago at the behest of AOL, and because I am a very lucky person, it somehow grew from a weird little blog where I was the sole contributor -- an awkward era I in no way encourage you to revisit -- to one of the biggest comics sites on the Internet with a staff of enormously talented editors and contributors who have made ComicsAlliance into something so much larger than just me, something shaped and infused with the individual passions and personalities of some pretty amazing people. It has been, without a doubt, the most gratifying professional experience of my life, which is also what makes this the most difficult post I've ever written for the site: because it's the one where I tell you that I'm leaving.Let me say first and foremost that this was 100 percent my choice, and a choice that I struggled with, painfully, for a very long time. AOL and Huffington Post have been nothing less than consummately supportive of me, my staff, and our content, and I owe huge debts of gratitude to so many people there for giving me the support and encouragement that made the site possible and allowed it to become something very different than the usual comics blog.

As for why I'm leaving, ultimately it's not because I want to say less, but because I want to say more. I haven't had much of a writing presence on the site in recent months, and it's not an accident; there are an astonishing number of invisible tasks that go into running a website this size, and as time has gone on, it's been increasingly difficult to be both an editor-in-chief and a writer in a way that would allow me to do justice to either job. If I could be two people, if I could do more, I would -- and for a long time I tried. But right now I have to choose one, and I choose writing, for the same reason that so many people in the arts choose to do what they do: because I can't not.

It has been pretty incredible to have the chance to create the sort of comic book site that I had always wanted to read, and unbelievably satisfying to discover that so many other people wanted to read it too. ComicsAlliance has been been my life, my passion, my entire world for over three years, because I don't know how to give less than everything to what I do. And the moment I stopped being able to do that, I stopped being right for this job -- I stopped deserving it -- and it meant it was time for me to get out of the way and give someone else a shot. And that's what I intend to do.

I won't be gone entirely, however; it's very likely that you'll see work from me on this site in the future, as a writer and not an editor. But if you'd like to keep up with me in the meantime, I'll still be on Twitter, where I will continue to post links to my articles, 140-character rants about social justice and karaoke, and pictures of my cat.

What happens next? Well, from your perspective, dear reader, probably not much will be different. For the near future the site will reside in the capable and experienced hands of our senior editors, Andy Khouri and Caleb Goellner, with more information to come in the weeks ahead about the new leadership structure of ComicsAlliance. While change is, as always, terrifying, I encourage you to fear not. This site means the world to me, and my number one priority has been ensuring that the mission, tone, and quality of the site and its staff remain consistent and faithful, while continuing to innovate and grow. As canned as it sounds, I can say with complete honesty that I have nothing but confidence and excitement about the changes that are coming, and unlike many such statements I have seen in a wide variety of press releases, it has the distinct advantage of being true.

One more thing before I go. As the countdown to my departure began ticking away, I started thinking about what I wanted to write before I left: something important, something relevant, something that spoke to an critical issue in comics in way that would somehow represent everything I'd done on the site and everything I felt about it.

But in the end, the big, ambitious editorial about the problems in comics or the future of the industry never came together, and the last thing I wrote on the site was a post on Boggle the Owl, an inspirational Tumblr feed by a woman who never considered herself a cartoonist, but felt compelled to made a comic anyway -- one that ended up influencing tens of thousands of people in incredibly powerful ways. And I think that's kind of perfect. Because at the end of the day, when I think about the art form that I have devoted my life to for so long, I don't think about dehumanizing, exploitative corporate machines, or derivative, depressing cash grabs or any of the disappointing and disenchanting things you see when you work behind the scenes for long enough and watch the sausage get made.

What I think about is how comics are magic, and even better, how they the are the most practical and accessible kind. How anyone can pick up a pencil and engage in the extraordinary gestalt of words and pictures to create a form of art that is unique and very special, and one that I am quite simply in love with. I think about a community of people who are defined by their creativity and passion, people who do what they do not because they think they're going to make a lot of money, but because they love it so much that they can't not. And for all of the problems that exist in this industry -- and they are legion -- I feel very, very lucky to be a part of it.

Because comics is bigger than its worst impulses, or its ugliest faces. Because comics don't just belong to corporations, or to superhero fans, or to indie fans, or to children, or to critics, or to boys, or to anyone who thinks they have some sort of monopoly on this medium. Because the only criterion for admission to the clubhouse of comics is loving comics, and anyone who tries to keep you out -- by telling you they aren't for you, by making you feel unwelcome, by treating you like you don't know enough or that you don't belong -- is arrogant, petty and wrong, and they need to get out of your way.

Comics are yours, and they belong to you. Don't let anyone -- anyone -- tell you differently. I never did, and it worked out pretty ok for me.

Special thanks to Caleb Goellner, Andy Khouri, Chris Sims, Brian Childs, Eugene Ahn, David Brothers, Kerry Callen, Aaron Colter, Adri Cowan, Lauren Davis, Curt Franklin, Bethany Fong, Chris Haley, Carol Hartsell, Esther Inglis-Arkell, Stephen Lenz, Tim Leong, Graeme McMillan, J. Caleb Mozzocco, Chris Murphy, Matt Seneca, Rusty Shackles, Tucker Stone, Dylan Todd, David Uzumeri, Brian Warmoth, Josh Wigler, Matt Wilson, Douglas Wolk, David Wolkin, Andrew Wheeler, the entirety of Periscope Studios and all the ComicsAlliance staff members of past and present (and fuuuuuture) who have often been not only respected coworkers but valued friends and excellent human beings whose hard work, talent, and hilarity have made the last three years a gift I don't know how I could possibly have deserved, but one I was incredibly grateful to receive.

tl;dr. Thank you all, for the privilege and the honor of running this site for all these years, because it has been everything. I'll see you all around.

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Boggle the Owl Loves You and Wants You to Be Happy

Laura Hudson — 2012-06-06T17:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Culture

There's a sentiment you hear a lot in comics -- expressed most recently and eloquently by Neil Gaiman -- that the most important thing to do if you want to create art is to simply do it. You don't have to be the best artist in the world; your work doesn't have to be perfect. You just have to be brave enough to make something that means something to you, and if you're lucky maybe it will mean something to other people too, in ways that you could never expect.

Take Boggle, a cartoon owl drawn by Aria Heller on a Tumblr named "Boggle Loves You." Heller, who had no experience with line art or cartooning, originally created Boggle as a one-shot cartoon to cheer up some friends who were having a bad day. But the encouraging words of the little owl quickly resonated far beyond her friend group, with over 100,000 notes now logged on the original post. People had found something they desperately needed in Boggle, and many of them began sending the owl character messages -- usually anonymous -- about feeling unloved and despairing. More cartoons followed where Boggle answered those readers with concern, love, and affirmation, and the response has been overwhelming, with tens of thousands of people linking, reblogging, and writing to Heller about how Boggle's words affected them profoundly, and in some cases even saved their lives.

ComicsAlliance talked to Heller about the experience of creating Boggle, and how the simple act of drawing an unassuming little owl could mean so much to so many people.

ComicsAlliance: How did Boggle first come about? What was the inspiration for the original post?

Aria Heller: When I made the original post, three or four of my friends had been beating themselves up over Twitter after having terrible days. I just wanted them to feel a little better. But I know that it's hard to listen to somebody who's telling you that nobody hates you for your mistakes, that you don't need to be so hard on yourself, that you're still a good person... I think it's just human nature, to screen out the things that people say to us when they contradict what we believe about ourselves. I mean, how would we ever believe anything completely baseless and untrue about ourselves if we didn't learn to ignore other people? We're all pretty good at it. I think everybody's had the experience of trying to talk down a friend who was feeling depressed or anxious, and knowing that nothing they said was sinking in.

And so I decided to draw them a worried owl. It just seemed like the thing to do! Everybody likes owls. You can't distrust an owl's motivations. An owl isn't going to lie to you. If an owl says you're a decent person who is allowed to make mistakes, you believe that owl. I dashed the image off in about fifteen minutes, because I wanted to post it before any of my friends went offline. I expected it to be passed around my little group of friends, maybe get ten or eleven notes.

I think it had about forty thousand by the time I went to bed that night. I was getting messages all evening, from complete strangers, saying things like, "I was going to cut today, but then I saw Boggle and I burst into tears and put down the razor. Thank you." I think I started crying about four times. There were so many people out there who desperately needed a friendly face, someone who would ask them to just please not be so hard on themselves. I got a message about a week later from a girl who said that she had been planning to commit suicide that night, and then she saw Boggle and called her mother instead, and her mother had taken her to the hospital! And I just kept thinking: I drew this owl in fifteen minutes! I mean, the original post had a typo! And it made such a big difference to so many people. I also received a lot of requests for Boggle to have his own blog, and after that kind of a response, I felt like I couldn't say no. I didn't know if a blog about Boggle would last, but I didn't think it mattered. Even if only a few people wrote in, maybe I could help those people. It felt like the least I could do.

CA: What's your art background? Do you do other types of cartooning or illustration?

AH: I had never done any cartooning in my life before Boggle. When I realized that Boggle Loves You was getting more than enough write-ins to keep me going for as long as I stuck with it, I had to ask a friend how to speed up filling in the colors underneath my linework. I was doing it all by hand. I'm honestly too embarrassed to call myself a cartoonist. I can draw an owl, that's about it. And looking back through Boggle's archives, you can see what an artistic adventure it's been for me, just learning how to draw an owl.

That said, I do have some artistic background; it just isn't anything relevant! I paint portraits, in realism or semi-realism. So at least I understood how to use Photoshop, how to use layers, how to think about an object in three dimensions. It could have been worse. But I was miserable at line art.

I've always loved the idea of cartooning. I used to draw involved history lessons using stick figures! I loved using images and humor to render complicated events fun and memorable. I just had to hope that the absolutely terrible 'art' lent my presentations, er, charm. I'm pretty sure it did. Or at least, my audience was awfully nice about it. I have ideas for things I want to do with Boggle that will require that I learn a lot more about cartooning. It's a little daunting, but I'm looking forward to it.

CA: Do you have a background in social work/therapy/counseling, or do you just happen to give really good advice?

AH: Oh gosh, I really can't stress this enough: I have absolutely no credentials. I'm just a girl on the internet who draws owls. I've had a lot of exposure to the world of psychology and social work, but I don't have any relevant degrees or certifications. I guess you could say that I benefit from personal experience. I read these messages that people send in, and a lot of the time, I know where they're coming from, I know what that feels like. I remember what people used to say to me to try to make me feel better, and how trite it all sounded. So I try not to say those things. I want to give people something that they will find useful.

CA: How many people are following Boggle now? How are you reacting to the level of response you've received?

AH: Boggle has about 3,500 followers at the moment, but I'm getting the sense that I'm on the upswing of a parabolic curve. It was 3,000 two days ago, it was 2,000 at the beginning of last week. Boggle got his first troll just yesterday! I was so proud. That's when you know you're getting somewhere on the Internet. I think I'm getting used to the idea that Boggle is going to keep growing, and that I somehow blundered into something that's going to become a bigger and bigger part of my life. I expect that as Boggle gets more popular, running this blog is going to come with a lot more stress and expectations. The prospect is a little daunting.

But then I get these messages from people, and I know that I can handle it. People have told me that Boggle is their hero, that Boggle made them decide to get into therapy, that Boggle gave them the courage to come out to their parents, that Boggle gave them back the confidence they needed to go outside for the first time in months. I've had several people now, I don't want to say how many, but more than a handful, tell me that they think Boggle saved their lives. What do you say to that?

Usually I don't say anything, I just cry, and maybe go find one of our cats to hug. It's overwhelming. There are people alive in the world today because I take an hour or two a few times a week to sit down and draw an owl. I'm completely humbled by it. I'm not anybody special. Sometimes I feel like I'm more of a basket case than most of the people who write in. I just listen and draw owls and hope the things I say are useful. And for some people, that's all the difference.

CA: What's been the most interesting or rewarding thing about Boggle so far?

AH: Definitely the most interesting thing has been observing the power that Boggle has as a character. Because Boggle isn't me. He couldn't be. Nobody can be Boggle all the time. I'm a jerk sometimes, I can be uncharitable, and my friends know I can cuss up a blue streak. I wouldn't want to be held to Boggle's standard. What I think is so interesting is that I don't have to be. Boggle can be Boggle all the time. The fact that Boggle is a comic is what makes it work. You said that comics have the power to provide a layer of removal from complicated or painful subjects, which actually lets us see those subjects more clearly. I think that's exactly it. When people write in to Boggle -- and they do, they address their messages to Boggle, they praise him for being "such a good owl," some of the messages I get are absolutely adorable -- they know they're talking to a cartoon character, not a person. And I think that's exactly what makes it possible for them to listen to what he says.

These people who write in, who are often so depressed, and so self-defeating, and so self-loathing, are getting advice from a cartoon character... who is caring, and kind, and only wants what's best for them. It makes it so that the things Boggle says can get through to them, when they wouldn't if I were the one saying them. These people don't know me. If they did, they might not like me! But they know Boggle. They know Boggle can be trusted, they know Boggle really means what he says. Because Boggle loves them.

Hopefully this wasn't too much more than you wanted to know about a cartoon owl!

CA: It was not.

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Parting Shot: Public Radio Profiles the World of Comics Culture

Laura Hudson — 2012-06-05T18:30:00+00:00

Filed under: Culture

We recently asked CA readers who donated to Superman fan Mike Meyer after the theft of his comics collection to reach out to State of the Re:Union, a national radio show that airs on 215 public radio stations, including NPR. Although they typically focus on telling the stories of communities around the United States, they decided to dedicate their latest episode to a community that is united not by geography but by a shared love of artistic medium and culture -- specifically, comics culture.

The show not only includes many of the responses from your calls in its segment on Mike, but also focuses on stories that will likely be familiar to ComicsAlliance readers like the theft (and restoration) of Mike Meyer's Superman collection, the heartwrenching story of Erik Martin (a.k.a. Electron Boy), the real-life superheroics of Phoenix Jones, recent controversies over the representations of women in superhero comics, and the transformation of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles from indie comic to international phenomenon. Expect familiar names like former DC Editor Joan Hilty, writer Gail Simone, and ComicsAlliance contributor Bethany Fong. Oh, and I show up for a while too during the second segment.

There's a breakdown of the segments after the jump, and you can listen to the entire show via the mp3 available here, or head to the SOTRU website to listen to them individually.Segment A: The episode kicks off with host Al Letson talking about his secret 'nerdy' side. Then, a passionate Superman fan gets taken advantage of, and the comics community pitches in to help.

Segment B: Comics Alliance editor Laura Hudson causes an uproar in the comics community over an editorial about the portrayal of women in comics. Then, Cowabunga Dude! We visit the town that birthed the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Segment C: A letter from an unlikely comic book fan. We learn about Cosplay, then meet a man who transformed himself into a superhero. Finally, an emotional story about a boy's wish to become a superhero.

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'Garfield' Comic Book Features Lasagna Superheroics [Preview]

Laura Hudson — 2012-06-05T14:30:00+00:00

Filed under: Indie

Jim Davis's Garfield has become something of an institution in the world of newspaper comics, notable not only because it has transformed a certain fat, orange cat into an instantly recognizable cultural icon, but also because it how somehow found a way to discuss Monday-hating and lasagna-eating for 33 years running. Now, Garfield has expanded beyond the three-panel format to the words of comic books in a new series written by Mark Evanier and published by Boom! Studios. The second issue hits comic shops (and digital distribution) this Wednesday, and we've got previews of the first two issues, including a superhero parody that stars Garfield as -- wait for it -- the Lasagnator, on a quest to discover who has stolen all of the lasagna in the world. I'm sure you're probably thinking that you know exactly what this comic is going to be like, so let me be the first person to say: You're right. It is exactly like that. It's Garfield, after all.

Garfield #1:

Garfield #2:

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Parting Shot: 'Bad Romance' Performed by the Avengers

Laura Hudson — 2012-06-04T18:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Marvel

Originally posted by a creator named Labish under the headline "I want your love and I want your avenge," this animated video of the Avengers busting the distinctive dance routine in Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" music video is pretty irresistible. Keep reading for the video and our favorite animated GIFs from the video, and see the rest on Labish's Tumblr.

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Parting Shot: Neil Gaiman's Inspirational 'Make Good Art' Graduation Speech as a Comic

Laura Hudson — 2012-06-01T17:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Culture

Neil Gaiman recently gave a rather inspirational graduation speech at the University of the Arts in Philadelphia about the important of making art, particularly as a way to cope with and respond to the painful and difficult experiences we all face in life. Now, artist Gavin Aung Than has transformed that speech into a comic that brings its sentiments to life through both words and pictures in a very special way, as comics are wont to do. Click here to see the full comic on Zenpencils, and read more for a video of Gaiman's speech.

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Parting Shot: A 1975 Fantastic Four Radio Show Starring Bill Murray as the Human Torch

Laura Hudson — 2012-05-31T18:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Marvel

Enjoy this two-part Fantastic Four radio show from 1975 based on some of the original comics, and featuring not only the narration of Stan Lee, but the voice of a 25-year-old actor named Bill Murray as the Human Torch. [Via Robot 6]

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Parting Shot: '(After)Life with Archie' Variant Cover Imagines Zombies in Riverdale

Laura Hudson — 2012-05-30T18:30:00+00:00

Filed under: Indie, Archie

Archie Comics has tackled everything from marriage equality to breast cancer in recent years, but they've never quite gotten around to one of the most popular fads in comics: ZOMBIES! All that changes with the zombie-themed variant cover for this month's Life with Archie #23, which is illustrated and colored by the excellent Francesco Francavilla. Read more for an exclusive look at the full cover. (Note: the interior content is zombie-free.)

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Parting Shot: What a Gay Superhero Looks Like

Laura Hudson — 2012-05-29T18:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Culture

It's great to see superhero comics doing a better job of not omitting gay characters from their stories (or leaving them to idle in the background). But it's worth noting that while diverse characters make comics richer and more representative of the real world, they're also an opportunity to reflect the many ways that we are not so different from each other, regardless of our different backgrounds or perspectives. In that spirit, Ty Templeton takes a tongue-in-cheek look at what a gay superhero looks like when he's doing his job: the same as any other superhero.

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Parting Shot: The X-Men Drawn in Disney Cartoon Style

Laura Hudson — 2012-05-25T18:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Marvel

This X-Men lineup by Matthew Humphreys reminds us strongly of the Disney animation style, and makes us wish for a lot of things, but mostly a Kitty Pryde and Lockheed animated series. This roster also includes a few less prominent X-Men, like Marrow and Kid Gladiator, and alternate takes on some more popular mutants, like the hooded (and presumably British) version of Psylocke, brown-and-gold-costumed Wolverine, mohawk Storm, and upskirt-photographer Deadpool. Check out Humphreys's Deviantart page for more! [via Buzzfeed]

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Parting Shot: 34 Ways of Looking at the Dean from 'Community'

Laura Hudson — 2012-05-24T18:30:00+00:00

Filed under: Culture

Things have been up and down for the NBC comedy Community lately, with a fantastic three-part season finale that included an 8-bit episode featuring the cast as video game characters (that's good!), the news that the fan-favorite show would return for a fourth season (that's good!) but that it would do so without creator and showrunner Dan Harmon, who was fired by NBC (that's bad). As fans ponder what the future holds for the show without the critical creative voice of Harmon, artist Dennis Culver helps soothe their broken hearts with a poster detailing every crazy costume of the flamboyant Dean Pelton, presented in chronological order. A 24"x36" print is available on Culver's website for $40.

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Parting Shot: First Look at Michonne on AMC's 'The Walking Dead'

Laura Hudson — 2012-05-23T18:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Television, Culture

Entertainment Weekly has debuted the first picture of Danai Gurira as Michonne on the AMC show The Walking Dead. In the Image comic book series by Robert Kirkman, the fan-favorite character is a former lawyer best known for her skill with a katana. Initially teased at the end of the season 2 finale, Michonne will appear in season 3 this fall. While showrunner Glen Mazzara told the Hollywood Reporter that the character would "have some other traits about her that are not in the comic book," we can only assume that she will retain her primary characteristic: being an amazing badass.

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'The Comic Book History of Comics' Collection: The Rise of Manga and Osamu Tezuka

Laura Hudson — 2012-05-23T14:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Indie

Comic Book Comics, the six-issue miniseries by Fred Van Lente and Ryan Dunlavey that retold the history of comic books in comic books, finally gets collected today in an IDW trade paperback collection titled The Comic Book History of Comics: The Inspiring, Infuriating, and Utterly Insane Story of the American Comic Book History. Our final exclusive preview details the rise of manga through the life story of its most famous practitioner, Osamu Tezuka.

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Parting Shot: The Official Cinematic Avengers Timeline

Laura Hudson — 2012-05-22T18:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Marvel

The Avengers movie is an unqualified hit, with over a billion dollars in worldwide box office (and $50 million for Robert Downey Jr. alone). The culmination of years of inter-related Marvel superhero blockbusters, The Avengers melded the heroes and stories of Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, Captain America and Thor into both a superteam and a supermovie. Now, Marvel has released an official timeline detailing the events of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, from its book Avengers: The Art of Marvel's The Avengers, which is worth a look for any comics (or comics movie) fan. The full image is pretty big, so click through after the jump to see the whole thing in its scrolling glory.

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Prophet #25: Giants of the Dead Metropolis [Preview]

Laura Hudson — 2012-05-22T14:30:00+00:00

Filed under: Indie

A group of hunters from the Earth empire arrive in the now-empty metropolis of Kartanus world to hunt the giant Nephilim, and find more than they bargained for in this 6-page preview from Prophet #25 (originally solicited as Prophet #27). The new issue written is by Brandon Graham (King City) and illustrated by Giannis Milonogiannis with a cover by previous Prophet artist Simon Roy, available online or at your local comic book shop.

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Scott Pilgrim T-Shirt Contest Winners from WeLoveFine (and Guest Judge Bryan Lee O'Malley)

Laura Hudson — 2012-05-21T16:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Indie

The winner of WeLoveFine's latest comics-inspired t-shirt contest have been announced, and this time around we've got Scott Pilgrim shirts, including several that were selected by Scott Pilgrim creator Bryan Lee O'Malley himself, with the help of fellow judge (and comics retailer (and the inspiration for Wallace Wells)) Chris Butcher. Each shirt is available in both men's and women's cuts, and costs $25. Click through on any shirt for more details.

"Not So Long Ago," Grand Prize winner by Hugo Dourado

"I'm Waiting," Bryan Lee O'Malley's Judges' Pick by Jarek Pulit:

"Ownership Diagram," Chris Butcher's Judges' Pick by Ann Macarayan

"Seven Deadly Exes," Runner-up by Katrin Astarita:

"sukotto pirugurimu," Runner-up by Hugo Dourado:

"Sex Bob-omb Tee," Honorable Mention by Jordan Pomazon:

"Subspace," Honorable Mention by Paul Platt:

"Scott Pilgrim Versus," Honorable Mention by Jenni Canwell:

"A Hero's Journey," Honorable Mention by Corwin Webb:

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