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This week, the first volume of "Chew," the current indie darling from writer John Layman and artist Rob Guillory, comes out in trade paperback, and we can't recommend it highly enough!If you haven't read it, the story follows the adventures of an FDA inspector called Tony Chu, who, as a "cibopath," gets psychic impressions from the food he eats, which has led him to be the World's Greatest Cannibal Detective. This is a brilliant high concept and a truly unique super-power, but is it really the most bizarre power comics have ever seen? We're not sure.
Superman's New Power
You'd think that Superman would have enough super-powers to be getting on with, but back in the Silver Age, he had even more. But none of them, not Super-Ventriloquism, not Super-Hypnosis, not even the strange Amnesia Kiss that he gives to Lois Lane in "Superman II" (which we're fond of calling "Kryptonian Roofies") compares to the new power he developed in 1958's "Superman" #125.
Despite the cover, Superman's New Power is not to shoot rainbows out of his hands. Instead, radiation from a crashed spaceship saps his normal powers and gives him the ability to shoot a foot-high version of himself out of his hands that has all of his powers. Naturally, Superman quickly becomes jealous of his miniature doppelganger and plots to kill it, but gets his powers back when Li'l Supes sacrifices himself to save Metropolis.
We've read a lot of bizarre comics, but even cannibal detectives can't top that one for weirdness.
Despite the cover, Superman's New Power is not to shoot rainbows out of his hands. Instead, radiation from a crashed spaceship saps his normal powers and gives him the ability to shoot a foot-high version of himself out of his hands that has all of his powers. Naturally, Superman quickly becomes jealous of his miniature doppelganger and plots to kill it, but gets his powers back when Li'l Supes sacrifices himself to save Metropolis.
We've read a lot of bizarre comics, but even cannibal detectives can't top that one for weirdness.
Fatman, the Human Flying Saucer
Created in 1967 by Otto Binder and C.C. Beck, who had previously collaborated on Captain Marvel (the guy who says "Shazam!"), Fatman was billed as the first super-hero with not two, but three secret identities: Gourmet socialite Van Crawford Jr., rotund crime-fighter Fatman, and, as seen above, The Human Flying Saucer. The strangest thing about this setup is that Fatman has his own set of super-powers (increased strength and toughness from being so fat, which is a stretch even for comics) even before he was taught how to turn into a flying saucer by aliens.
Okay, that last part was probably the strangest thing.
In either case, "Fatman" is pure fun, and highly reminiscent of Herbie Popnecker, another character with strange, lollipop-based powers, but it only lasted for three giant-sized issues before vanishing, and sadly remains uncollected.
Created in 1967 by Otto Binder and C.C. Beck, who had previously collaborated on Captain Marvel (the guy who says "Shazam!"), Fatman was billed as the first super-hero with not two, but three secret identities: Gourmet socialite Van Crawford Jr., rotund crime-fighter Fatman, and, as seen above, The Human Flying Saucer. The strangest thing about this setup is that Fatman has his own set of super-powers (increased strength and toughness from being so fat, which is a stretch even for comics) even before he was taught how to turn into a flying saucer by aliens.
Okay, that last part was probably the strangest thing.
In either case, "Fatman" is pure fun, and highly reminiscent of Herbie Popnecker, another character with strange, lollipop-based powers, but it only lasted for three giant-sized issues before vanishing, and sadly remains uncollected.
The Brown Bomber's "C.P.T."
Speaking of forgotten characters, the Brown Bomber, introduced during Dwayne McDuffie's recent run on "Justice League," was actually a riff on the Black Bomber, a character that DC was planning on publishing back in the '70s before writer Tony Isabella convinced them not to by creating Black Lightning instead.
His powers are simple enough: He turns into a super-strong, Afro-sporting Blaxploitation hero for an hour whenever he yells "Black Power!" What makes it so strange, though -- and the reason Isabella was dead set against DC publishing the original version -- was that in his civilian identity, the Black Bomber was an extremely racist white man.
His powers are simple enough: He turns into a super-strong, Afro-sporting Blaxploitation hero for an hour whenever he yells "Black Power!" What makes it so strange, though -- and the reason Isabella was dead set against DC publishing the original version -- was that in his civilian identity, the Black Bomber was an extremely racist white man.
ADAM-X THE X-TREME's Shocking Limits
Originally intended to be the Third Summers Brother, ADAM-X THE X-TREME (whose name doesn't technically need to be capitalized, but is way more fun that way) has the power to electrify your blood, but only if you're already bleeding. This, we assume, is what accounts for the act that he not only has spiked knuckles, a spiked belt, and spiked shoulderpads but also spikes just randomly strapped to his arms in the picture above.
As for the backwards baseball cap and the "X-Braids," we have no explanation whatsoever.
As for the backwards baseball cap and the "X-Braids," we have no explanation whatsoever.
Maggott's, er, Maggots
We could probably fill an entire article with lame X-Men, but we'd be remiss if we didn't mention Maggott, whose mutant power was that his digestive system existed in the form of two giant maggots that would eat things and then crawl back into his body to give him super-powers. The problems with this should be obvious.
We're not saying every superhero needs to be designed with media tie-ins in mind (in fact, that's a pretty poor way to do things), but when there's no way in hell that you're ever going to get on a lunchbox without causing a wave of schoolyard nausea, you might want to reconsider.
We're not saying every superhero needs to be designed with media tie-ins in mind (in fact, that's a pretty poor way to do things), but when there's no way in hell that you're ever going to get on a lunchbox without causing a wave of schoolyard nausea, you might want to reconsider.
The Anarchist's Explosive Sweat
Okay, okay, we said we'd lay off the mutants, but Peter Miligan and MIke Allred's "X-Force" is a special case. In stories that were designed to skewer the stories going on in the main X-Titles, Milligan and Allred introduced a handful of characters with strange powers, including El Guapo, who rode a sentient skateboard, Henrietta Hunter, who was originally intended to be a resurrected Princess Diana before Editorial quashed it, and Doop, whose powers are even weirder than his appearance. The explosive sweat of Tike Alicar, The Anarchist, though, is just weird enough to work.
Gunfire -- He IS a Weapon!
Ah, the '90s. Gunfire here was a product of 1993's "Bloodlines" crossover, in which a whole slew of new characters were created through the plot device of an alien invasion. One of the only characters to get his own (albeit short-lived) series, Gunfire had the ability to agitate the molecules of any object, effectively turning everything into a gun.
This is the most '90s super-power ever.
So what makes this so weird? Well, as seen in "Hitman" #1,000,000 (Hitman being the only one of the "Bloodlines" characters to actually succeed), turning anything into a gun has its disadvantages as well, leading to dialogue like "Aaah--! Pain--so bad! If I can just reach -- medipak- AAAHH!! Aaah, no, I turned the medipak into a gun!" and the immortal "Ooh my God, I turned my ass into a hand grenade!"
Most of the characters with bizarre superpowers came by them courtesy of writers with honest intentions, but not Arm Fall Off Boy, who serves as a parody both the Legion of Super-Heroes (whose ranks include characters with strange super-powers like Matter-Eater Lad) and one of the oldest running gags in the series, "tryouts" involving characters that are even worse. The fact that some of the rejects have even banded together to form the Legion of Substitute Heroes -- including the likes of Stone Boy, who can turn into a living statue, which is basically an invulnerable coma -- means that parodies have to go well over the top.
Thus, AFOB, who does exactly what it says in the name. He fights the crime of the 30th century.... with the power of arms that fall off. Pure genius.
This is the most '90s super-power ever.
So what makes this so weird? Well, as seen in "Hitman" #1,000,000 (Hitman being the only one of the "Bloodlines" characters to actually succeed), turning anything into a gun has its disadvantages as well, leading to dialogue like "Aaah--! Pain--so bad! If I can just reach -- medipak- AAAHH!! Aaah, no, I turned the medipak into a gun!" and the immortal "Ooh my God, I turned my ass into a hand grenade!"
Arm Fall Off Boy's Detachable Arms
Most of the characters with bizarre superpowers came by them courtesy of writers with honest intentions, but not Arm Fall Off Boy, who serves as a parody both the Legion of Super-Heroes (whose ranks include characters with strange super-powers like Matter-Eater Lad) and one of the oldest running gags in the series, "tryouts" involving characters that are even worse. The fact that some of the rejects have even banded together to form the Legion of Substitute Heroes -- including the likes of Stone Boy, who can turn into a living statue, which is basically an invulnerable coma -- means that parodies have to go well over the top.
Thus, AFOB, who does exactly what it says in the name. He fights the crime of the 30th century.... with the power of arms that fall off. Pure genius.
The Quiz: Every Super-Power You Have't Thought Of
We've mentioned the Quiz before on ComicsAlliance in our round-up of the Doom Patrol's strangest moments, and for good reason: She has, and we're quoting, "every super-power you haven't thought of." She's like Silver Age Superman taken to the extreme; if a writer could get out of a plot corner with Super-Hypnosis, imagine how easy it'd be to get around obstacles with anything the other characters haven't said out loud!
Swarm's Swarm
Swarm, as blogger Kevin Church once put it, is A Nazi Made of Bees.
Further explanation should be unnecessary.
Further explanation should be unnecessary.
Section Eight
Given what we've already said about "Hitman" above, it should come as no surprise that when writer Garth Ennis created a low-rent super-hero team, he ended up with some of the strangest characters we've ever heard of. From what we can tell, the only one who actually has any super-power is Friendly Fire, who has the unfortunate knack of blasting his own teammates, but it's worth noting the rest of the group, including:
Don't ask.
These are our picks for the most bizarre super-powers, but there are plenty of strange heroes and villains out there to choose from! Do you have a favorite? Let us know!
Elsewhere on the web:
Zombie Hooker XXX-Mas (Adult Swim)
Rejected Mortal Kombat Fatalities (Gorilla Mask)
13 Bizarre Comics & Cartoons (I Am Bored)
Given what we've already said about "Hitman" above, it should come as no surprise that when writer Garth Ennis created a low-rent super-hero team, he ended up with some of the strangest characters we've ever heard of. From what we can tell, the only one who actually has any super-power is Friendly Fire, who has the unfortunate knack of blasting his own teammates, but it's worth noting the rest of the group, including:
- Defenestrator, who throws people out of windows, and even carries a window with him in case there aren't any nearby.
- Dogwelder, who welds dogs to people (most notably Lobo)
And of course... - Bueno Excelente, who "fights evil with the power of perversion."
Don't ask.
These are our picks for the most bizarre super-powers, but there are plenty of strange heroes and villains out there to choose from! Do you have a favorite? Let us know!
Elsewhere on the web:
Zombie Hooker XXX-Mas (Adult Swim)Rejected Mortal Kombat Fatalities (Gorilla Mask)13 Bizarre Comics & Cartoons (I Am Bored)
Comments:
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Monday 23 November
By Joshua
While his powers are pretty standard fare, Mother's Milk from Garth Ennis' The Boys has a very unorthodox method of receiving his powers: he drinks his mother's breast milk. If that weren't bizarre enough, it seems that even as a grown man he continues to get it straight from the cow.
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Monday 30 November
By Stephen
Actually, MM got his powers from Compound V, just like all the others... It's just that he got them through exposure to his Mother's contaminated milk (she worked in a factory that used to process it, and basically got 'infected'... it left his brother handicapped), which he is often seen drinking out of a glass like a "normal" person in the pages of the book. There is never any implication whatsoever that he actually nurses directly from his mom. I was also under the impression that it's an addiction now (V-laced milk, thus his withdrawl symptoms at one point) and has nothign to do with a) keeping the powers or b) it being directly from his mom.
I guess we could have interpreted that different ways, but I just didn't want anyone else thinking it's a comic about a grown man breastfeeding to get super powers.
Tuesday 24 November
By DCD
The infamous Obnoxio the Clown meets the X-Men story featured a dude with a power weirder than any X-Statix member (although I do not fault your choices at all): Eye Scream. An industrial spy-type mutant whose power was to turn into any flavor of ice cream and slide under the door.
Sure he was a gag but so was Dogwelder, y'know?
Sidebar: I saw this Obnoxio/X-Men story in a quarter bin somewhere and snatched it up immediately thinking it was that rare comic where they went to the fair (I had gotten them mixed up) and was sooo disappointed at the time that I couldn't flip it on eBay for cash. Now, though, having read that state fair comic, I feel I made the right purchase.
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Tuesday 24 November
By guayec
"kryptonian roofies" = pure gold.
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Tuesday 24 November
By OTL
At one point, the Falcon (Captain America's sometime partner) had a mental link to his bird, Redwing. Not all birds, like an avian Aquaman (although they may have given him that ability by now), just that one particular bird. That's... kinda limited...
Then there's Metallurgist from the New Universe (introduced in The Draft). His power? He can telekinetically control a hubcap from a 1949 Chevy. Yep, that's it. Just that one thing. Gets drafted into the army for it, too.
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Tuesday 24 November
By wil
Man, I loved Maggot.
I also remember in that 'widescreen' annual of New X-Men Grant Morrison has a mutant who every bit of skin flake, hair etc that fell off him became a sentient clone of him. That was fucking awesome.
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Saturday 28 November
By Shikome Kido Mi
Actually, I suspect that Dogwelder has some kind of power that lets him treat flesh like metal because normally I wouldn't think applying fire to skin would work like that-- I mean the dogs actually become part of the person.
And, hey, didn't it turn out that Section 8's alcoholic leader actually had superpowers in his last appearance?
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