Sep 7th 2007 By: Kevin Panetta
Welcome to the End of the Week Explosion. Seacord's been out of commission all week. He says he's "prepping" for football season, but that doesn't explain why I found a blueprint on his dining room table that had a picture of a cell phone and a camera on it. Or why he had written "flux capacitor?" on it. I think it might be radiation poisoning from his "homemade Everyman Project."
Q: Warner Brothers are making a ROBOTECH movie with Tobey Maguire?! That seems like crazy talk to me on many levels, but I imagine you're already sending them camera phone pictures of the "mech" you're building.
What's up bro? Camera phone pictures? Sure I'm high tech enough to build a super-mech robot but what am I, a millionaire? A phone that takes pictures? HAHAHA. What's wrong with you? Flying cars and transporters...you've been watching way too much Sci-Fi Network. Camera phone. What, did you get one going through your "Stargate" or did you get it some other mystical way? You're starting to freak me out. Maybe I'm starting to freak out. Who's Tobey Maguire? Who are you? I'll be back later...camera phone. Ass clown.
Q: The Colts smashed the Saints and thus, the NFL season begins. How's your "fail-safe" betting technique going? Hopefully it doesn't end up like your "fail-safe" knife fighting technique.
Ok, gambling...I feel safe again. Yes, I had the Colt's by six. I covered. So I'm good to go there. I'm so glad football season is back. I mean all other sports should be outlawed and football players should be allowed to take steroids and play year round. I'm interested in the Va. Tech – LSU game. LSU giving 12 points doesn't seem right after Tech barely beat ECU and LSU pummeled whatever school they played.
Q: I have no idea what you're talking about. Moving on to comic book news...
I wish the Hokies luck. Maybe Sean Glennon will be replaced by, I dunno, someone who can complete a pass. If not, look for Brandon Ore to get about 70+ carries in this game. Basically if he breaks in half they will tape him together and send him back out there. Either way I'm probably going to be in the emergency room because I just got a shipment of illegal fireworks. You'll have to tell me the outcome. Remind me to tell you my "fail-safe" method for launching bottle rockets from the butt crack.
Q: Ummm...no. Last week we talked about how people like to talk about video games that aren't out yet...a lot. Now people are talking about trailers that aren't out yet for movies that aren't out yet. I mean, hopefully Iron Man will kick ass, but is it because trailers for comic book movies are almost always better than actual comic book movies?
Last I checked Iron Man was an alcoholic not a smack junkie but who's splitting hairs? Oh me, that's right. Yeah I loved Robert Downey in Weird Science so Iron Man is going to rock if it's about two geeks who want to build a super exo-skeleton and end up making a hot ass supermodel instead and if Robert Downey rocks that Flock of Seagulls haircut again. It'll be Fantastic Four "fantastic". I'm taking the under on this movie. Way under.
Q: So, Aunt May has died twice already. The first time, it was because there was buried treasure in the Parker house (Yup). The second time, she died of Clone Saga related shame-cancer. Now she's dead again (maybe) and it has sent Spider-Man into a rage-fueled anger-spiral. I know you descend into rage-fueled anger-spirals pretty often. Any advice for Mr. Parker?
Yeah. Go over to your house and have some of whatever you're taking....camera phones. What a jackass.
Q: So, the first episode of Batman: The Animated Series aired 15 years ago yesterday. That means it's two months and fifteen days older than Hannah Montana. How's parole going?
I see you've visited my website devoted to the Ms. Miley Cyrus countdown to legality. That's right. Three years and I can legally pursue her. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a 35-year-old dating an 18-year-old. I mean what 18-year-old, or any woman for that matter, wouldn't want to date a middle aged man who lives in his parents' basement. That means more money for you, baby, and all the Rice Krispie treats and Kool-Aid you can handle. It really is the "Best of Both Worlds".....Oh, parole is great except they won't come fix my ankle bracelet and the shock it keeps giving me is knocking me out and I wake up in a pool of my own
Sorry, but we're going to have to end the Explosion now due to "ankle bracelet related difficulties." Tune in next week....if Seacord has regained consciousness.