Aug 10th 2007 By: Ian DeLaurentis
It's the end of the week explosion! For a weekly column that's part of a comic book themed blog, we sure don't talk about comics very often. This week we may not even talk about comics at all! This is only because Seacord knows so many interesting things about gambling, prison and fighting. At this time it is especially important that we remind everybody that the views here are those of Seacord and not of Comics Alliance. In fact, Seacord's views may not even be his own when you consider all of the voices in his head. Please remember this before contacting your lawyer.
Q: Finally! It's football season. The most important time of the year. I already lost $1,000 betting on pre-season games, which doesn't inspire a lot of confidence for my regular season action. As a convicted felon and addicted gambler, what can you tell comics fans out there looking to make some money gambling on football to support their habit?
This goes against all aspects of the twelve-step program I'm in but I'll give it a shot. First you wanna always tease the over down versus the points. It's just like a straight up bet but you get more working for you. Parlays all sorts, best way to make money. Two team, three team, oh man....after that I recommend NOT watching the games you bet on in public. People wonder why you're crying when you don't hit and then you eventually get pinched for trying to lift people's wallets or tips on the bar. People are so inconsiderate of the addicted. It's a disease you know, a wonderful, glorious, better then sex disease. Unfortunately I have to pay for both.
Q: We got to see Superbad this week. Did you notice all of The Goon paraphernalia in that one kid's room? Or the fact that there were a lot of...eh hem... "illustrations" in the movie? I only ask because then it's sort of comic-related and we can talk about Superbad.
Yeah I noticed ... I noticed that during the end credit's you were drooling. What was up with that? You need to go see this movie to understand but I don't think I've laughed that hard since I was in county lock-up and "Little Tim" dropped the soap and "Big Tim" well....it's funny cause they have the same name. I think LT was laughing too, laughing so hard he was crying ... and possibly screaming for help...what am I a paramedic?
Q: This week we had another post about the upcoming Jenna Jameson comic. You've been known to step into the ring for what have been mostly legal fights. What's your take on Jenna's boyfriend Tito Ortiz?
Tito was a great fighter. A great fighter who now probably has more venereal diseases then most prostitutes. I think Tito may have died and the syphilis is somehow keeping his body moving. That would at least explain his last few fights. My money is always on Chuck Liddell. On the subject of Jenna's comic? Yeah I'm gonna be picking this one up because I want to pay money to see her drawn and with clothes on. Great marketing. Brilliant.
Q: The new Conan book from Tim Truman and Richard Corben looks pretty awesome. Who would win in a fight between Conan and John Rambo? Just to clarify - we're talking Arnold Conan vs. Stallone Rambo in his prime. They are fighting in a jungle.
I'll do my best to dissect this. My gut says Conan. Why? Cause in a one on one fight he'd pummel John Rambo, that is until JR played dead Conan's dumbass turned to walk off and Rambo shot him full of explosive arrows they broke the neck of the disembodied head just because he can. John Rambo should run for God.
Q: Did you finish reading Harry Potter yet?
That would be a yes. For those of you who haven't read it let me sum it up. Harry shows up to Hogwarts where Ron and Hermoine are waiting for him in a hot tub. In walks Voldemort who asks where the problem is. Harry and Ron both point to Hermoine and say something is wrong with her plumbing...oooh wait, that was a Penthouse letters I checked out. Nope, haven't finished yet 'cause I've managed to steal the Spice channel from my neighbors. I'm sure I'll get to it next time I'm picked up for gambling. Those twelve step programs don't work...who am I kidding?